Judge, 1915-07-03 · page 10 of 32
Judge — July 3, 1915 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humorous social commentary typical of Judge's early 20th-century satirical style. The top illustration depicts a carefree woman leading schoolchildren, representing the idealized notion of summer vacation and leisure education. The main text, "From a Sinner's Diary," offers cynical observations on human nature: dishonest business partnerships, conditional love based on utility, and the hypocrisy of social behavior. The anecdote about the owl getting sprayed satirizes people who complain about problems *after* they occur. The lower sections mock grammar pedantry ("English as She Is Spoke") and include a joke about a man who stops rowing during a date—implying laziness or inattentiveness makes him unreliable company. Overall, the page satirizes pretension, hypocrisy, and social climbing while celebrating plainspoken common sense and self-awareness. The tone is gently misanthropic but not mean-spirited.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“A From a Sinner’s Diary KNOW a saint and a sinner who went into business together. They've dis- solved, and for his share the sinner has the partnership sign. You can love any- body whether they’re worth itornot. After you’redone travailing, though, you love ‘em for what they’re worth. Also, if anybody is idiot enough to love you, work ‘em all you can. They like it. Hive ‘em when they swarm, lest they lose their stingers. As for me, I love plenty of people enough to crack walnuts for 'em, and a few enough to pick ’em out for em, but not many times. I know a screech owl who is against spraying, unanimously, whether it’s Grand Rapids lime sul- phur or Niagara 100 ib. drums dry form, no danger of freezing. Seems she got ahead in the gill-flower tree high-hole hole this year, and old Willard turned the sprayer snuzzle in there, not knowing. She r'ared up and glared, one eye winking quite rational, the other as if the spray had broken her governor belt. It looked worse out than it did in, so she set- tled down and held her peace. But she ain't in favor o' that nesting place, never not no more. A woman told me I ought to say “‘were’’ instead of ‘‘was’’ when it came tagging ‘‘if."" I went to school one winter, but I didn’t study gram- mar. I didn’t want to, and the SUMMER You may bump it on something you always counted as lowdown. I had an April Fool present of a new drag. Now if I could go in a straight line the miles I'll tag along after it, I'd see some world; but round and round in the peach orchard, from May basket till Hal- loween— But it was always my way to play I was two engineers making the grade over the Continental Divide—to the dismay of the little trees—when I really was run- ning a switch engine. When you really get acquainted with folks, they’re not so much better than your own. An exceeding real hard chap to handle is 1. Don’t Care. The way of the transgressor is hard for the others, I know a man who makes bologna of other people’s hobbies. Never of his-own. That's different. The reason we never can have what we want is—when we can have it, we don’t want it. A typewriter’s voice sounds like topping onions with a pair of sheep shears. Souls weep sometimes when bodies don’t. To be popular away, stay at home. To be popular at home, stay away. Big fat ma’s are an ever-present help in time of need. —Lynette Freemire, English as She Is Spoke That synonyms don't always work Can thus be proven with precision: The girl you're mad at is a sight, The one yeu te taken with, a vision, , Fes Bae Oy ae ae é teacher said I needn't. I like that teacher to this day. Whenever I see her, my mouth pops open like a milk- weed pod. Don't carry your head too high. Tessio—He's a nice one to take a girl out rowing. Myrtle—Why, what did he do? stopped rowing for a minute! Tessie—He never comichooks,