Judge, 1915-06-19 · page 9 of 24
Judge — June 19, 1915 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"Self Congratulation"** (top): A sketch showing a couple where the man remarks he now understands why someone shakes his hand warmly upon meeting—implying the woman previously dated that person. The joke plays on awkward social dynamics and past romantic entanglements. **"The Painstaking Parent"** (main story): A humorous cautionary tale mocking a father who boasts he loves his son more than life itself and wishes to bear all his pain. When taken literally by Fate, the boy's mishaps (mumps, rusty nail, goat attack, cucumber poisoning) all transfer suffering to the father instead. The moral warns against excessive sentimentality when unnecessary. **"Cause and Effect"** and **"Convicted"** (bottom): Brief joke pieces—one about a country-dwelling friend whose chicken-keeping ruins his wife's garden; another about a lawyer whose persuasive speech earned his client a five-year sentence. These represent typical Judge magazine humor: domestic comedy, wordplay, and light social satire aimed at middle-class readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
She—I suppose you know I came near marrying Jim before I married you? The Painstaking Parent NCE upon a time a man who couldn’t think of anything else to say before company made the assertion that he loved his only son—a youth of / seven summers—more dearly than life and ex- pressed the wish that he might bear all the pain which such a boy is destined to en- dure before his father buys him a watch for his twen- ty-first birthday Present and gives him his time. And it came to pass that Fate took the governor at his word. Next day Precious Willie went over to romp with Jimmie Jiggs and caught the mumps. In about a week pop swelled up like a stung pup. Then sonny boy trod upon a rusty nail, and daddy daddle had to wear crutches for several days. One afternoon the wingless wonder Strayed into a meadow to pluck a lamb’s tongue, but he plucked a goat's ~ SELF CONGRATULATION He—Now I know why he shakes hands so warmly when we meet. beard by mistake, and William Toggenburg butted him through a barbed-wire fence which nearly cut all of the limbs from his trunk. That laid father up for quite a spell. Somebody left the gate open one dewy morn, whereupon papa’s precious pet wan- dered into the garden and ate eleven or six big green cucumbers. The old gent was quite weak from suffering, anyhow, and the KR Susan—How are you going to vote this year? Mary—My dear, I’ve been too busy to get anything new, so I guess I'll vote in the same old things that I wearing now. ee) cucumber colic very nearly put him down for the count. Sonny boy was dreadfully sorry for daddy, of course, so he went up on a side hill and picked him a nice, big bouquet of poison ivy. When that boy got home—say! Father piped him out of the tail of his eye and shouted, “‘Now that does settle it! I'm going to take my life out of your hands right now! Net, bring in your pain killer and give this young desperado a bath in it!" Moral—Don’t be painstaking when it isn’t absolutely necessary ! —Howard C. Kegley. Cause and Effect My friend, who to the country fled, This year is keeping chickens; Since then his wife's new flower bed Is looking like the dickens. Convicted First lawyer—Did his speech carry conviction? Second lawyer—It did! got five years. His client comicbooks.com