Judge, 1915-06-19 · page 6 of 24
Judge — June 19, 1915 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains satirical short pieces and jokes typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"His Ambition"** mocks a character (J. Fuller Gloom) for his pretentious desire to avoid leaving behind memorable sayings, wanting to be forgotten rather than quoted negatively. **"Unselfish"** uses a doctor-patient dialogue to joke about marital dynamics—the wife enforces the husband's diet restrictions while exempting herself, exposing hypocrisy disguised as care. **"Neutrality"** satirizes American neutrality during WWI by depicting a lovesick man unable to resist multiple women's charms while claiming neutrality—punning on "armed neutrality" (military policy) versus his literal inability to keep his arms to himself. **"Hepigrams"** offers cynical one-liners about marriage, honesty, and women—the final piece jokes that a woman "sacrifices" a church wedding for a justice-of-peace marriage, mocking women's supposed romantic drama over trivial matters. The top illustration depicts rural/immigrant characters, likely satirizing working-class perspectives on city life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Believe me ot believe me not, I surely saw the city sights: Yes, I went some, | tell you what, A plumb whole day and two whole nights, ‘ed now that I'm home, aw, gee, old burg looks dead dow to me! His Ambition ‘ ILE I have been cordially detested during the most of my life, with or without ample justification,’’ stated J. Fuller Gloom, ‘'I intend to at least not be a nui sance after death. To that end I have con- sistently refrained from making epigrams, manufacturing maxims and uttering soncr- ous sentences, to be repeated to helpless children unto the third and fourth genera- tion of them that hate me.’” Unselfish Doctor—Is your wife strong-minded enough to see that you positively refrain from eating sweets? Patient—Sure, doctor! She’s got spunk enough to make me pass up the candy and pastry and all that as long as she’s allowed to eat it herself. My ost 2 o LY ifs f You don’t believe me, Uncle Jed, You're, grinning hke a Hottentot ; Wf you'd ‘a’ been there you'd "a" dropt dead, And then from somewhere up above ‘A chunk of sunlight fell on me. Believe me or believe me not, She started toward that shining spot. Believe me ot believe me not. That actress knew some hicks, I swan, And the had By-net etockings on i Neutrality CCEPT the President's decree, Which says that neutral we must be! Those houris of the Bosphorus In yashmaks sheer are not for us! Yet when I think of Lallah’s eyes, I cannot, now, refrain from sighs. Blond Gretchen's eyes are heaven's blue— Her nose a bit tip-tilted, too; Sumuki’s black eyes flirt with me, Through slant lids, captivatingly. Camille's are lakes of melting brown; Berthe, of Liego—hers are cast down. Tatania’s sparkle wondrously, While Sari’s smolder dangerously; And Alexandra's, gray and clear— Ah! Can I say they are less dear? For armed neutrality we call— But my arms can’t surround them all. If I could hug them tight to me, Then truly neutral I should be! Amy Lyman Phillips ‘She sang, “I'm hunting for a loves A. manly fellow he must be,” Hepigrams | HE weigh of the transgressor is anything less than sixteen ounces to* the pound. Honesty is not the best pull, I see. Marry in haste to repent in alimony. An idle husband is the devil’s workshop. Two of a mind don’t make one of a kind always. Only the rarest woman is superior to her beauty. Moonlight may lead to marriage, but no | farther. William J. Lawpto The Pinnacle of Sacrifice | “*T love you so much, my darling,’’ cooed the clinging young thing, ‘‘that for your sake I would even forego a church wedding and consent to be married by a justice of the peace !"’ And greater love than this hath no woman. comichooks,