Judge, 1915-05-15 · page 12 of 24
Judge — May 15, 1915 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humorous short fiction and jokes typical of early 20th-century American satire magazines. **Main elements:** The illustrated story "Disilllusioned" depicts a stenographer mishearing pipe-knocking as wedding bells—satirizing romantic daydreaming versus practical reality. The recruiting sergeant's comment suggests young men were in demand (likely WWI-era context). **Other content includes:** - "Uncle Fogy's Philosophy": cynical one-liners about human nature (vanity, prohibition, self-made men) representing the voice of a cranky elder character - Short comic anecdotes mocking social pretensions and marital dynamics ("auto-suggestion," wives demanding motor cars) - A poem celebrating "summery" resort girls—flirtatious young women seeking romantic escapades - Jokes about juror bias (acquitting unattractive defendants), the "tired businessman," and tourist clichés about Greek historical sites The page primarily targets urban middle-class leisure culture, courtship rituals, and social hypocrisy rather than specific political figures.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ALLY, the sentimental stenographer, rested her chin in her hands as she looked out of the window with a dreamy stare. ‘Listen!’ she exclaimed. “I thought I heard wedding bells."" But practical Polly ejaculated, ‘Pooh! That was the gink in the next room, knock- ing his pipe against the radiator."’ Recruiting sergeant—By jinks ! if T could land a young fellow like that, now, I'd call it a day's work. Uncle Fogy’s Philosophy POLOGIES are often additional insults. Order cannot be preserved in alcohol. Self-made men should be seen, not heard. The pessimist’s journey is from bad to worse. All is vanity, and especially dramatic criticism, Some prohibitionists are intemperate in the use of ink, if not of drink. The manwho agrees with me is level- headed; the man who does not is flat-headed. If our own business interested us as much as other people’s busi- ness does, most of us would be rich. Self-Diagnosis The automobile tire collapsed said, ‘*Well, I declare! I think less speed Is what I need And entire change of And air!"* An Instance Mrs. Gramercy— She didn't give her husband a moment's rest until he bought her a motor car. Mrs. Park—So, after all, there does seem to be something in auto- suggestion. Strange to Her Three-year-old Do- ris stood in the door- way, watching the roostercrow. ‘*‘Mam,"* she said, ‘I don’t see why an old rooster wants to spank him- self and then cry about it!" Vacation Stuff The Summery Girl QUIET resort of the summery sort Is where I am longing to be, Where girls with bright glances are seeking romances, And cool woods would beckon to me, Where roaming and boating and swimming and floating Formality put out of curl, And soft is the heart of the summery sort Of summer resorty girl. I've tried every jolly and dangerous folly The prodigal city affor¢ I've toyed to satiety with each variety Of the bait served us on swords; And none of it thrills me—with ennui it fills me— And yet I'd get all in a whirl Could I ramble apart at some summer resort With a summery sort of girl. Oh, dull may things grow at the garden or show And unspeakably dull at the club! You may note streaks of gray, feel you're getting passe, And sigh you're no longer a cub; But just take to the woods, run away from your moods, And you'll soon frisk about like a squirr'l When a-strolling you start at a summer re- sort With a summery sort of girl. Shippey. A Candid Juror “Yes, we acquitted that woman, although most of us considered her guilty.’" “Then you shouldn't have acquitted her.” “*T know we shouldn't. She wasn’t very good looking."* No Let Up Crawford—We hear a good deal these days about the tired business man, Crabshaw—No wonder. As soon as he gets through business, he starts in dancing. Not To Be Thought Of Certainly some might be foolish enough to call Athens, Thermopylae and Marathon the most famous Greece spots in history, but it would be dangerous. comichooks.com