Judge — May 8, 1915 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SUGGESTION FOR EUROPEAN TRAVEL THIS YEAR Forged Fetters HEN you said, ‘‘Come,"’ did I not say, “Allright? You bet your life Idid! Did I not let you have your way In the selection of my lid? Quite surely so! And did I frown When you breathed harshly, “Give me what You won last night. I need a gown"’— Task you, did 1? I did not! Did I oppose you when you said You thought I ought to dine on mush? Inever did! Since we w re wed, I’ve not complained a single tush; I've let you tell me what to wear And say and do, abroad or home— Ay, how to brush my crow-black hair, So as to hide my near-bald dome. When you asked, ‘‘Darling, don’t you think The walrus an amusing bird?’’ T answered, ‘*Yes."" And don’t I drink What you suggest, though it’s absurd? I've done your bidding, been a fool For years; but now your plans I'll wreck Without remorse. No more you'll rule— You want a— Yes, dear; here’s a check! A, Walter Utting, His Handicap “One of the penalties of approaching age is clumsiness,’’ confessed Merton Morose, on whose head the frosts of time have been sifting down for quite a spell. ‘*When I move carelessly about a room, I knock over five things on an average; and when I am especially Self-Abasement ‘ ERY man should know himself,"’ re- marked the parlor philosopher. **Perhaps,"’ said the mere man; ‘‘but in doing so, he wastes a lot of time that might be spent in making more desirable acquaint- ances,”” Ruinous Madge—Gossip doesn’t pay. Marjorie—I'm beginning to agree with you, my dear. The last secret I heard cost me over two dollars for extra telephone tolls. — Euery— Modern Definitions PTIMISM—A whitewash for the blues. Wall flower—A bud that has gone to seed, Paradox—An improbable probability. Genius—A person who can make you be- lieve he knows more than you do. Love—A feeling that sometimes prompts a woman to be miserable with one man rather than happy with another. Photography—The art of making a wom- an’s portrait look as she thinks she looks. Wisdom—The rare faculty of knowing when to quit. Critic—A person who pricks other people's bubbles. Pessimist—A person who can weep for joy. Parody—The real test of fame. Contentment—An ability to divide what you have with what you want. Bachelor—A man who is too much of a coward to get married. Silence—The sauce that softens the spice of life. Skeptic—A man who would use test- ing acid on a golden opportunity. —S. 8. Stinson. His Translation “IT understand, Cuddyhump, that your wife is convalescent?”’ said kindly Mrs. White. “*No, mom, if yo’ please, and t’anky for de ’terrogation,’’ politely replied the colored man; ‘‘but 'stidder which careful, I knock over ten.’” “ My son, what did I tell you about going fishing on Sunday?" she’s gittin’ better, mom!"" comicbooks.com