Judge — April 24, 1915 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hark, Young Man! hy TERRELL LOVE HOLLIDAY CLINE your ear, my son, to the words of an old man, and gain wisdom. Cover not spindle shanks with tight trousers, nor a concave chest with a glove- fitting coat. Better is it to whisper, **Pad jt,” to thy tailor than to look like thou hadst been under a fat woman when her i a ail necked and proud, for any fool can wear a high collar. Yea, an ash hauler’s nag carryeth a lofty nose when a check rein urgeth; but a thoroughbred holdeth his head up without harness. Think not, because thou art skilled in mathematics, that thou canst lead a double fife upon a single salary; for, verily, if thou addest a peach at the office to the one at home, ‘the sum will be—some trouble. When a maiden promiseth to give thee her hand, be not deceived thereby; thou wilt ay dearly for it. There will be long gloves and short gloves; and then thou hast only begun. Even a barefoot dancer needeth a necklace and a couple of beads. And delude thyself not with the belief that clothes cost in proportion to their thickness and profusion. Nay, the gauze thumbstall with which a woman encaseth herself is dearer than jewels and lasteth no longer than a summer breeze. Gaze not upon a lass's lips when they are red and warm. A pale lip and cool thou canst kiss once and get away safely. But, Jo! amouth that resembleth the skin of a cherry and gloweth like unto a live coal, beware of it, for such melteth resolution andturneth man into a babbler of foolish words. And, verily, the word that riseth up to confront thee when thou fain wouldst forget—nothing stingeth worse than that. When a damsel creepeth into thy mind and disturbeth it with yearning, pause and reflect upon that word damsel. Divide it into syllables, accenting them evenly—and take warning, that thou mayest not be sold into bondage. A maiden, my son, is a flower that bloometh and regaleth the beholder, and wilteth when plucked. An thou wouldst not be cruel to her, and to thyself more so, see that thou lettest her remain upon the parent stem. There thou canst admire her many evenings, yet fade her not, neither become the wearer of a withered bouquet. Behold, my son, I have spoken, and thou hast heard me not. Thou wilt travel the path of all men, which littered with pet- ticoats wherein thou wilt hitch thy feet. Many times wilt thou stumble and be brought to thy knees. Small heels will score thy neck, without saving it from other heels, This, I swear unto you, is so because, though there be kings aplenty, none of them holdeth a scepter, save when be hath his picture taken. The emblem of authority reposeth in the hands of one who useth it alternately to stir cake batter or to rack the royal cranium. Selah. Guzzler—1 once lived on water for ten days, Flubdub—Why didn’t you take a fast boat? mire it EGYPITAN ij ‘f CIGARETTES * = BN By “JUST LIKE BEING IN‘CAIRO” the most dectablecfall Mild soama” 2 \\ QPLAIN JEIND Inthe convenient FLATBOX with the PROTECTIVE INNER Se hae IS¢ de Tatssh a HOTEL IMPERIAL ROBERT STAFFORD BROADWAY, 31st TO 32nd STREET At Herald Se e. the radial center of transportation to all parts of the city. One block from Pennsy lvani: ion, a few minutes from Grand Central Terminal, Subway, Surface and Elevated Service direct to the hotel, which is in the midst of the fashionable theater and shop- ping districts. A HOTEL HOME $1.50 A DAY AND UP. Special Luncheon $0.75. Dinner de Luxe $1.50. Write for Booklet and Free Pocket Map of City. WILLARD D. ROCKEFELLER FRANK H. WIGGINS ASSOCIATE MANAGERS. comicbooks.com