Judge, 1915-04-10 · page 8 of 24
Judge — April 10, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains satirical commentary on early 20th-century American life and culture: **Left side ("From a Sinner's Diary"):** A cynical diary entry lamenting human behavior—particularly criticizing women who make promises they don't keep, people who pretend virtue while acting selfishly, and those who judge others harshly. The reference to "going right into another man's dooryard and twisting him up in his own hammock" appears to reference Germany's aggressive foreign policy (likely pre-WWI tensions). The overall tone mocks hypocrisy and pretense. **Right side ("The Spectator's Own Vaudeville"):** Parodies a vaudeville theater bill, mocking popular entertainment acts of the era with absurdist humor—"Madame Zaza's Birds," "Jones and Jones" (likely racial caricature based on "Darktown Neighbors" reference), and fictional performers like "Otto Limberger, Eccentric Musician." **Bottom ("Cultivating Speech"):** Uses agricultural metaphors to satirize pompous speech-making, suggesting one must "plow," "harrow," and "weed" before producing eloquence—mocking pretentious public speakers. The page exemplifies Judge's satirical style targeting hypocrisy, pretension, and human folly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
From a Sinner’s Diary WHETHER you can or not, you've got to. A lamb's tail, when he runs, acts about the foolishest to me of anything I know. I know a woman who always makes you feel the blamedest best, whether she writes itor says it. Makes you feel you're what you might be, not what you are, Little sister does all her good baking with water, And we've a forty-barrel cistern! I see no use in trying, when I don’t feel like it, for something I don’t want, that I could come nowhere near it trying when I had my appetite and was wild with wanting. I'd as soon be hated when I'm old for having no money as to be hated the rest of the time for hanging to it. If you get any praise while z deserve it, likely. Afterward ?? = Hot tamale: A scoopful of red pepper bandaged in a husk mattress and boiled till sold in the water where a hen was scalded. I know a man so constituted that when he's doing exactly as he pleases thinks he’s doing his duty. And if everybody does not hipityhop precisely to his tune, he thinks they're missing theirs. Little sister does not like me so very well. It's a wonder- ment to her how brother and I got caught in the same trap. Do you suppose it's because I said you couldn't hire a girl at any price, but they'd marry anything that came along? If I work the same set of levers and look like a Halloween lan- tern when I grin that some one else works to look like a holy an- gel, I don’t know as I can help it. I have always liked Germany; but this going right into an- other man's dooryard and twisting him up in his own hammock, I don’t uphold. If some of ’em wouldn't work, some of the rest might have to—or go shy on cuds, What? Sometimes I think I'll goto heaven. But I know I wouldn't be there long till I'd be looking for a place to scale the wall. To-day I hoed my water- melons. They always seem so much more important than the potatoes. Plenty of women (?) who can think to make promises can’t remember to keep ’em. A faultfinder does not al- ways shoot his wad because he can do any better. —Lynctte Freemire. THE KEY TO THE SITUATION Cultivating Speech Clear your mind of cant, Plow through books, Harrow up your feelings, Dig up metaphors, Rake over old discussions, Weed out unnecessary words, Sow seeds of dissension, Plant flowers of thought, Prune your sentences, Do some hedging, Then be prepared to fence Should you reap a crop of abuse.—Geo. B. Morewood. ENTERPRISE Staff photographer—When you let go face the camera, The Spectator’s Own Vaudeville The Bill OVERTURE: ‘* Patience” SENSATIONAL TUMBLING ACT An Acrobatic will St MADAME ZAZA’S BIRDS They Eelipse Anything Ever Seen on the JONES AND JONES Demonstrat ' INTERMISSION “*DARKTOWN NEIGHBORS " OTTO LIMBERGER, Eccentric Musician He Plays on an Instrument Quite His Own, EMMA PEPPERMINT and STEVE SMARTGUY r Greatest Rapid-Fire MOVING PICTURE, “*A Narrow Escape "” In Three 1 Reels. Released by the Mamimoth Cor- poration. Lawton Mackall. How You Pay for It