Judge, 1915-04-10 · page 10 of 24
Judge — April 10, 1915 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous short story about a dance competition judge at what appears to be a 1920s nightclub or dance hall. The narrator is recruited to judge a fox-trot contest alongside Rozsika Dolly (a real Hungarian dancer famous in that era) and "Mons. Albert." The satire concerns judging itself: the narrator and his co-judges completely disagree on dancers' merit, yet mysteriously reach unanimous decisions anyway. Each judge privately selects dancers they favor, then must publicly reverse their opinions when the proprietor dismisses them as "awful" or "dandy." They ultimately declare the winners satisfactory, despite the contradictions. The joke mocks how judges often lack genuine expertise or conviction, simply conforming to authority or social pressure rather than independent assessment. The "Signs of Spring" diagram above parodies confusing fashion sewing instructions, continuing the theme of baffling complexity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
notches on the rig! Ju DGM EN T By BIDE DUDLEY 66(-)H, MR. DUDLEY!" I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was the touch of the proprietor of the danc- ing place. **We want you to be a judge in the fox- trot contest.’” “Impossible! I know but very little’’ “Rozsika Dolly is to be a judge, and"*— “When do we begin?’’ I asked. “*Right after this dance."’ A waiter put a table on the dance floor, and the three judges sat down at it. We were Rozsika Dolly, Mons. Albert and my- self. Two silver cups were placed before us. A floormaster kept his eye on them. **Remember,”’ said the proprietor, ‘‘you three must agree. Let 'er go, professor!’’ SIGNS OF SPRING Husband (helping her, reading)—Fold the left upper and lower edges forward and back along the heavy dotted line until the first and second triple peas coincide with the third double notch on the left side of the second gore, and the first, third and fifth it edge come together along the double perforation. The music started, and about twenty couples glided out on the floor. **Select!"’ said the proprietor. Not very,’’ I replied. ‘‘Some of them ar “No, no! I mean select the best. six first.’” I saw a darn pretty girl dancing. ‘*Let’s take that girl in the blue dress,’’ I said. “Oh, she’s awful!'’ said Miss Dolly. ‘Here!’ I called to the floormaster. **Don’t select that girl in the blue dress. She’s awful!'’ The six couples were finally chosen by Miss Dolly, and I put myo. k. on them all. Mons. Albert thought so, too. **Pick two winners,” said the proprietor. “There's a dandy couple,’’ I said, point- ing to a pair. “*Oh, my land, no!’’ said Miss Dolly. Choose “*Here!"’ I called to “*Don't select that couple. no!"" We'll take this one and that one,"’ said Miss Dolly. **Just the ones I would have selected,” I said. Mons. Albert thought so, too, The floormaster summoned them. Then he made an announcement. “‘Ladies and gentlemen,’’ he said, ‘the judges, after thoroughly considering the dancing of all the entries, have decided that these couples are the b "The prizes were awarded, and we judges retired. “Much obliged!"? said the proprietor. “You people are the best judges we've had in a long time.”’ “You bet she is!"? I replied. Mons. Albert thought so, too. the floormaster. Oh, my land,