Judge, 1915-03-27 · page 8 of 24
Judge — March 27, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous pieces satirizing early 20th-century American life: **"A Ballad of Noises"** celebrates the sound of people saying "Pshaw!"—likely mocking the Bernards (possibly a theatrical group or public figures), with the joke being that this dismissive sound is more delightful than music or nature. **"A Sad Shortage"** presents a dialect-speaking character lamenting that white hunters are killing his dogs for attacking sheep, leaving him short of hunting dogs—a rural complaint about resource depletion. **"A New Excuse"** satirizes infidelity and marital deception: a husband caught in a scandal about "joy rides" with chorus girls escapes his wife's anger by claiming he mistook an automobile for a "jitney bus," and she forgives him for this absurd lie because it's "so absurd" it must be true. **"Girl Wanted"** is light wordplay about a janitor whose work is so annoying they want to hire a "janitette" instead—pun-based humor typical of the era. The overall tone is satirical domestic comedy targeting marriage, infidelity, and social pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Ballade of Noises Contribute ‘tygian Gazette by FRANCOIS Viton, Poet e eria, and trans- ENDRICK BANGS. H, THE songs of birds are pleasing, And the noises of the seas, When the waves are gayly teasing All the beaches-and the leas, Are sweet music to my hearing, And I love the north wind's roar; But there's nothing like the cheering When the Bernards ‘gin to Pshaw! I'm a lover of Mascagni, And I dote on Wagner, THE PINE CONE A Sad Shortage “*How many dogs have you, Woolliver?’’ “T isn't got but six now, cuhnel, since de white men took to shootin’ ’em for killin’ sheep. Looks like I's mighty nigh out o° dogs, sah!"" The Risk ‘Tis better to have loved and lost Than never loved; but, then, of course, Who loves and wins may rue the cost Of alimony and divorce! A New Excuse M . ROUNDER lay in the hospital with a broken leg and a bruised head. But these weren't worrying him most. There in the morning paper was the whole story of one too many joy rides, chorus girls and all, staring from Page 1. His wife—he knew her too well. Even while he pictured the scene in the divorce court, she came in, stiff and cold and threatening, the telltale paper clutched in a trembling hand. “Well?"’ she demanded too, And old songs like Gentle Annie And the Red, the White and Blue Fill my soul with rarest pleasure; But the lot will I give o'er, For ‘tis bliss beyond all measure When the Bernards ‘gin to Pshaw! There is music in the trolley, There are numbers in the bells That destroy the melancholy That within my spirit dwells; There is joy in all the noises Nature lavishes galore, But my heart the most re- joices When the Bernards ’gin to Pshaw! ENVOT Prince, I'm ready e’er for action, Be it peace or be it war, With a joyous satisfaction When the Bernards ’gin to Pshaw! hat look? Mrs, Neurwed—Ob, Jack! I'm so glad you are back! accusingly. Then came his inspira- tion. *Lucretia he whis- pered, reaching toward her, in spite of the pain his movements gave him. “I —I thought the automobile was a jitney bus, and before I discovered the difference, it whizzed away with me, and’’—— She interrupted him with a wild cry. “Oh, Jonathan! I knew you couldn't have done any- thing so absurd !’" Manlike, he forgave her. Girl Wanted The gloomy, grouchy janitor Who janits on our office floor, Wielding his janitorial sway, Has janited our peace away; In fact he makes his janiting DESCRIBED Mr. Neuwwed—Like six months’ salary! How does my new spring So janitesque in everything, We're going to advertise and get , Some sweet and pretty jani- tette.—Frederick Moxon.