Judge, 1915-03-20 · page 13 of 24
Judge — March 20, 1915 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains literary and humorous content rather than political cartoons. **"Harlequin and Columbine"** is a romantic poem by Eugene Sanford Upton celebrating the theatrical characters Harlequin and Columbine—stock figures from commedia dell'arte representing love and fantasy. The poem praises how their performance transports the narrator to an idealized romantic world, away from harsh reality. The illustration shows these costumed characters in a garden setting. The remaining items are brief humorous vignettes: - **"It Ne'er Runs Smooth"**: A lovers' quarrel joke where the woman coldly suggests they should meet as strangers (inverting Shakespeare's "course of true love") - **"The Difficulty"**: A doctor joke about insomnia - **"The Future Life"**: A joke implying a man leads such a wild lifestyle he'll need fireproofing in the afterlife - **"Near Thoughts," "Unsettled," "Information Desired"**: Brief satirical observations about economy, social pretension, and courtroom rhetoric These are general social satires typical of early-20th-century humor magazines—no specific political figures or events are referenced.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HARLEQUIN AND COLUMBINE By EUGENE SANFORD UPTON Happy Harlequin! thy laughter Js as music in my ear That my heart has not been filled with For full many a weary year ; And thy gaiety is golden Like a flute note heard afar, And thy Columbine has graces That no worldly traces mar. You hare set my soul to dreaming Of a Land of Old Romance, Where, in perpetual May A gay and endless pla: You learned your lightsome laughter and the olden songs of Frauee. tire ‘fotlights Such a necromantic charm That this world and all its clamor, All the harshness and the harm, Ina trice hare been forgotten, And I lice within the dream What your magie has created, Of a paradise unfated. Of an Eden undefiled where no sealy serpents gleam, It Ne’er Runs Smooth “And now," the remarked, ‘‘I suppose we must meet as strangers."" “Not at all,"* she replied coldly. ‘‘If we should meet as The Difficulty “Do you sleep like a baby?” asked the doctor. “‘No,"’ replied the patient. Near Thoughts T WAS at the conclusion of the lovers’ quarrel. Fooxomy is what the stingy man calls his malady. A manuscript is something for a scared speaker to look ai while he thinks of something to say next. Some people have to decide whether a speech shall be written or strangers, we should probably fall in love with each other again."" rotten. And some speakers are versatile enough to have them both L'ENVOL But they that walk in dreams are like To take a sorry tumble, And he that goes with head in clouds Is liable to stumble , For visions oft must give the way To prosy things and humble. So wrapt in dreams, the world forgot, J sit in silent rapture, Intent upon the elfin pair Whose airy graces capture Sight and sense; when from behind A rude voice mars the ditty : “To knew her folks in Kalama And his from Kansas City 1!" ways at once. —Stricktand Gillilan, Unsettled “I hear that they belong to the early settlers."’ “One night when I was all lit up I tried it, but the perambulator was too short for me."’ The Future Life Hokus —1 admit that Jack Dashaway is going the pace, but, “egyiSon nevertheless, he’s a brick. eeetes. Pokus—Well, I hope he’s one of the fireproof kind. THE LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT **Well, you wouldn't think so if you could see the bill collectors climbing their front steps.’” Information Desired First juror—Young Attorney Bray made a mighty fine speeca, didn’t he? Second juror—Eh-yah! Won- der which side he was on?