Judge, 1915-03-13 · page 8 of 24
Judge — March 13, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects satirical humor pieces reflecting early 20th-century American concerns: **"Hopeless"** depicts a driving instructor frustrated with a pupil—likely mocking the novelty of automobiles and new drivers' incompetence. **"His Sage System"** satirizes a man who attributes his health to deep breathing while arguing with everyone about World War I, finances, and other topics. The joke: he's insufferable but calls it wellness practice. **"Little Deeds of Kindness"** shows a father proudly giving a homeless man money, only to be told he's "surprised" him—implying the gift was selfish theater rather than genuine charity. **"It Was Extra, All Right"** mocks a newspaper boy's con: selling an old edition as "extra" (urgent edition) simply to charge extra money. **"A Boomerang"** presents karma—a child chasing another child gets caught and beaten instead. **"Joint Snake" and other brief items** make topical jokes about Prohibition-era concerns and courtship customs. The overall tone emphasizes human folly, pretense, and hypocrisy in everyday situations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The green one—I had to stop. HOPELESS Hardened member—Aw, you'll never make a chauffeur. His Sage System oe | ATTRIBUTE my excellent health,"* stated Grout P. Smith, ‘to the deep breathing which I am forced to practice in order to keep my temper while arguing with blockheads on the probable duration of the European conflict, the cause and cure of the present financial stringency, the efficacy of grape juice as a stomachic and of archdukes and crown princes as commanders, the value of regional banks, the probability of future punishment, the idiocy of osteopathy and kindred questions wherein I differ with and from my relatives and friends, interspersed with innocent bystanders who frequently snout in. It beats the world how little LITTLE DEEDS OF KINDNESS Come and see the poor, homeless man who has I slipped a five-dollar bill into his pocket ‘Wasn't that kind of me?"’ “Oh, father! to sleep out in the cold. to surprise him when he wakes up. A March Wind 4 ie YOU a toast to-night I drink, Although it was this very day That you, in angry mood, I think, Stole up and blew my hat away. My thoughts were anything but sweet, As down the line T saw it whiz, Until I glanced across the street, And saw a rich man chasing his. —Leslie Van Every. Extra, Ail Right extra!’’ bawled the The newly arrived Westerner shed a nickel for the paper. He searched it, expecting to find some startling news. “What is there extra about this paper?” the pur- chaser demanded. “You cried extra. This is an old, stale edition. I don’t see anything that's extra. What is there extra about it?"” **A little extra money for me,"’ said the rough-neck, and fled. Of the Same Opinion Mildred—Don't you think Miss Elderly looks much younger in her new hat? Helen—Indeed Ido. Why, Mildred, it makes her look ittle older than she “Why, confound it! that's my night watchman.”* You can’t run right over a feller, y° know. A BOOMERANG “*Chee, Alf, where'd y’ git th’ black eye?" “* 1 was chasin’ that new kid next door, an’ I caught ‘im.” Unnatural History Professor Wiser — Does that mysterious reptile, the joint snake, really exist? Van Bibbler—Yes. Its habitat is any prohibition State. But Still a Bore Teddy—He's a man possessed of great repose. Molly—Then I don't see why he can't afford to give me a little rest! The Reason Bilton (sternly)—What’s the reason that young man stays so late when he calls? Miss Bilton (demurely)—I am, papa.