Judge, 1915-03-13 · page 11 of 24
Judge — March 13, 1915 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge contains several short humorous pieces satirizing early 20th-century social conventions: **"The Curlicue Veils"** mocks women's fashion, specifically the elaborate facial hair-like decorative veils then in style. The poem jokes that women wear mustaches and goatees on their foreheads and ears through their veil ornamentation—inverting the male prerogative of facial hair. **"Then It Happened"** is a comic narrative about a bill poster (someone who pastes advertisements) who, while trying to refill his paste bucket, accidentally opens a fire hose, covering himself in flour. The humor derives from his confusion and the officer's absurd questioning. **"Fine Graft"** satirizes women's voting behavior, suggesting women vote against candidates they dislike primarily to extract treats (soda, fudge) from supporters. The remaining brief pieces mock dating customs, drinking problems, and grammatical hypocrisy in speech. The overall page targets contemporary fashion, politics, and social behaviors through lighthearted satirical verse and anecdotes typical of Judge's style.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
eaanms—s @A The Curlicue Veils MAN can wear a mustache on his eye- brow, Or he can wear it underneath his nose; He can wear the mossy lace anywhere upon his face That the airy, hairy capillary grows. But a girlie wears a mustache on her fore- head; We see a cute goatee upon her ear. On her cheeks, once white and barren (you must pardon us for starin’), Prince imperial mustachios appear! Her veil contains these lumpy decorations; ‘Tis in her veil these geezer-teasers cling. Soon any spot she chooses, she can place the curlicueses— Of whisker wearers Phyllis is the king! —C, L. Edson, Fine Graft Madge—I don't think there'd be any fun in voting, anyhow. Marjorie—Sure there would, If a woman you didn’t like were running, you could get all the fudge and soda you wanted out of her, and then vote against her. The Man’s View Penclope—My book of dancing rules says, “Don’t hold the lady too close.” Percivat—Impossible! Engraved Epitaph He could have carved out his fortune if he had cut out drink. Then It Happened 'OVERED with white from head to foot, the prisoner looked like a snow man. “With what is this man charged?’’ asked the court. “I saw a white cloud,’’ replied Officer WORRYUS SPRING-CLEANICUS One of the flowers that bloom in the spring. 666, ‘‘and I thought he was trying to blow up a building."’ ‘*What have you to say for yourself?’’ For answer the prisoner puffed out a little white cloud and coughed up enough flour to make a batch of biscuits. “Can't you speak?"’ A negative shake of the man’s head sent flour into the atmosphere like water from a woolly dog. “*Are you a baker?"’ This time the man managed to mumble a half-smothered ‘‘No."’ “Then what on earth are you?’’ After several false starts the prisoner finally blurted, “*Bill poster. “Did you fall into a flour bin?"’ Rubbing his face until a dusky skin be- gan to show through its white coating, the prisoner explained, ‘*No, sah. W'en I run out ob paste dis mawnin’, I filled a bucket wif flouah an’ went across de street, where I saw a big hose by de side ob a building. I put de nozzle ob de hose into de bucket, but at first de handle wouldn’t turn. I gabe one big twist, an’—an’—an’ den it happened !’’ “What happened?"’ “Dat hose wasn’t foah fillin’ pails at all; it was foah fillin’ automobile tiahs!"’ Charles A. Leedy. Archaic Polly—What queer, old-fashioned chil- dren! Dolly—Yes; they are positively childish! Of Course! Oh, e’en the meekest man will say, When speaking of bad people, ‘‘they’’; And then contrariwise, will he, When speaking of the good, say ‘‘we’’! comicbooks.com