Judge, 1915-02-27 · page 21 of 24
Judge — February 27, 1915 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising**, not satire. However, it contains one notable poem: **"Passing the Mustard: The Finished Mother"** by Ted Robinson satirizes the gap between women's classical education and practical motherhood. The poem mocks that college-educated women learned Latin ("Integer Vitae"), ancient history, and academic skills—yet received no training in basic childcare. A mother cannot translate her baby's cries ("Gurgle-goo-goo" means the bottle won't work) despite her classical training. The satire critiques early 20th-century education systems that prepared women for intellectual pursuits while ignoring domestic realities they'd face. The poem's resolution—the mother vows to teach her own daughter practical skills—is both sarcastic and pointed social commentary about women's limited options. The page's remaining content consists of period product advertisements: automobile information, watches on credit, and pianos—typical Judge magazine filler.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
If You Are Thinking of Buying an Automobile but are in doubt as to what particular type is best suited to your needs, H. W. Slauson, M.E., editor of Leslie’s Motor Department, will give you un- biased information that may help you solve the problem. This service, which is offered to Leslie’s readers without any charge or obligation, is extended to read- ers of Judge who send this coupon. Automobile Information Coupon Motor Department, Lealia's Weekty. [dadgr 2-21 Yo 25 Fifth Ave Gentlemen: — Tam consitering the purchase of a Please help charge. the | Passing the Mustard The Finished Mother She'd a pain in her back and a tear in her eye, And it wasn’t her fault—she could make affidavit. The baby was crying—she didn't know why; The dinner was burning, and she couldn't save it. In college she'd learned such details as just how The ancient Egypt round mummies But how could it help her to find out, right now, To wrap flannel bands around young Yankee tummies? $ wrapped linen She knew the translation of ‘Erin Go Bragh"’ And the proper rendition on ‘‘Integer Vita"; But she couldn't conceive that the simple “Yaw-yaw!"" Meant ‘‘ Please take the pin from the back of my nightie!"" She knew about accents and breathings— she knew The consonant-changes, as taught in Grimm's Law— But not that the guttural ‘*Gurgle-goo-goo!"" Meant ‘‘Nipple’s collapsed, and the bot- tle won't draw!" They had taught her the dates of the births of the kings And the probable epoch of Freedom's first bleeding; But, ah! they'd neglected such practical “ Time When the Baby Should Get His First Feeding."" She was taught how to paint, how to punt, how to fly— The mystery smother; But this was the sermon that bade her good-by From college—‘Your Destiny—Woman and Mother."’ (And ‘‘Rockaby-Baby,"’ she sang to the girl Who kicked in her arms and most strongly protested ; “*T wish that the teachers who set in a whirl My jumbled-up brain were right quickly arrested! And ‘Rockaby-Baby,’ and let us agree, If ever by luck or God's grace I can raise is that the girl didn’t you, I'll teach you the things that they didn't teach me, And maybe your children will rise up and praise you!"") —Ted Robinson, in Cleveland Plain Dealer. Always—'‘How can you tell a master- piece?"* **By the price.''—Boston Globe. one. Any Watch YouWant ON CREDIT No Money Down Express Prepald in Advance by Me You take no chances with me, Iam *Square Dealt Miller coe Er the Guicnct ‘Name sch ens f hare tttor you, No Money fons a Esprees Frepeid._ A tail month te carry tt ta your pocket und the casera of Long Time Payments, That's the test thet tells. sen Guaranteed 25 Year: I Smash the Terms No References Demanded My terms are made to suit you. get unlimited credit, with Bo red tape, notes or collectors, All unneccessary detail left out, An **Open Charge*? Account the same hind of eredit you get from your grocer. No matter where you live or what your tacome ts, you can ete nite ee Tressel diamond oF any rare Jewelry and never miss Costly ¢ Catalog FREE for thia book today bed get a letter from tre that will Cake Jou ® ‘of mice from the start, Take My Word For It. Pres. Square Deal MILLER-HOEFER CO. 437 Miller Bldg., Detroit, Mieh. PIANOS—PLAYER PIANOS factory Home 00 BY MY PLAN of selling direct from factory to home, T can save you | from $110 to $200 on my celebrated Evans Artist Model | Pianos. Two to Four Years to Pay The easiest kind of terme, weekly, monthly, quar Write today. 30 apes Free Trial Free Music Lessons we win “OS comicbooks.com