Judge — January 30, 1915 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

to let Mt tea ut and y had 1 was uuldn'y Two re and Sugar, me to ar Of, ile on n two other 10 the ng at Ma ) blab >-day tail, n be- other have t of me. the ling im The Soc Et Tu Um Club PLUME ourselves on the vclume and excellence of our varied WE manufactures, "’ stated Grout P. Smith, addressing his fellow- members of the Soc Et Tu Um Club, informally assembled, **but our ide should be tempered with the measure of humility that comes from PP unprejudiced examination of the facts. While giving ourselves the deserved amount of credit for our good works, we should be equally as ready to accord praise to the virtues that are apparent in the per- formances of others. In short, if w e one hundred hats to hurl on high, while we throw up ninety-nine in honor of our own accomplish- ments, let us toss up one hat in generous recognition of the worthy achievements of our ri “It has long been our boast that we make the most agricultural implements, produce the greatest number of divorces per capita, and have in the past supplied more and richer heiresses to the impecu- nious nobility of Europe than all the rest of the world combined; but while we point with pride, let us also view with alarm. The famous 42-centimeter gun and the genuine though less deadly Georgia minstrels were invented in this country, and the seductive cocktail and the febrile tango originated in America. But we have never been able to produce acitizen who took himself so seriously and everybody else so frivolously as does George Bernard Shaw. “Our Legislatures manufacture laws at arate unknown abroad, but have thus far concocted none that a troupe of trained dogs couldn't romp through. We have not succeeded in devising a national anthem that more than one-half of one per cent. of our population could remember the name of, and unfortunately the fraction who possess good memories can’t sing. We have not yet invented a superman who satisfies any- body but himself that he is the genuine article. While our charity is abundant and goes to the uttermost bounds of the earth, our reverence isof the most feeble character. We lead the world in the invention of abuse for our rulers, when some of those of Europe deserve it far more than our own. Somehow, we do not scem to be able to manu- facture a single debacle, and we have never turned out censors abso- lutely devoid of intelligence. Nor have we been able to invent a reason why we should plunge into a world’s war when we are not obliged to."" Made in America Amsterdam (N. Y.)—Wireless from Berlin (N. Y.) states that the offensive has been resumed in the eastern section, an advance having been made from the Nolichucky to the Walloostook River. The situa- @ tion between the lakes Moosetocmaguntic and Umsaskis remains unchanged. The enemy still holds his position along the shores of the Pongokwakem, Chesuncook, Pamedumcook, Millinoket, Sebago, Schoodic, Umsaskis, Umbagog, Chaubunagungamaug and Win- nipiseogee lakes. Submarines have ascended the Narragaugus, Piscat- aguis and Sebasticook rivers. Paris (Ky.)—The announcement comes from Coosawhatchie, in the southern district, that we have gained the heights above the Com- bahee River. The forces of the enemy have been driven out of the trenches along the shore of the Ogeechee River. There is nothing to report from the region of the Ocmulgee, Saluda, Altamaha, Allopaha, Chattahoochee, Ocklawaha, Withlacoochee, Choctawhatchee, Conecuh or Tugaloo rivers. London (Ont.)—A dispatch from Peterboro states that action has been resumed on the bank of the Gamasca River, also that the defenses of the enemy at Muskoka Lake were taken. There is nothing to report from Komaka, Penetanguishene or Hythe. —A. T. Merrick. A Little All-Wool Philosophy Most things made in this country are good. But not everything. No, no, Cuthbert. A lot of New Year resolutions made here are exceedingly brittle. Mistakes ‘‘made in America’’ are just as bad as if they were of foreign manufacture. _ Matches made for money on the one hand and to gratify a mother’s social ambition on the other are often ‘‘made in America’’ and are punk. Excuses ‘‘made in America’ are about as poor as those of any other country’s manufacture. Now and then a crooked fortune is ‘‘made in America."* A foolish boast ‘‘made in America’’ is just as bad a break as if it were made in a sweat shop, with pauper labor, in Russia. A mathematical error, a defalcation, a social faux pas, a flivver, a foozle, a bad approach, a sliced drive, a mesalliance, an ugly grimace, a night trip in a day coach, a poor dinner speech, a soggy batch of biscuits or an unaccepted marriage proposal is just as bad if ‘‘made in America’’ as similar things made elsewhere. There is no universal rule for everything. No, Cuthbert, they ain't. Merit rules, in the final count up. 500 Cash For Motion Picture Plots New Ideas By New Writers Wanted Previous Experience or Special Education Not Necessary YOUR chance to win a big cash payment is as good as anybody the kind of ideas they want. bring you 8 movie sensations of the year. and encouraged. This Book Is Free To You ai” Simply mail me free coupon below, ket this most interesting book and full particulars of the big Act at once, before time limit. cash offers, free. . 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