Judge — January 16, 1915 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Hog HE Hog is an omnivorous suoid quadru- ped, whose principal occupation is messing around in any old place that isn’t fenced in. The Hog has to be kept in a pen; otherwise he will stray into places where he doesn’t belong and where he can- not do any good and make himself a gen- eral nuisance. Hogs have been educated to A Strong Resemblance 6QXATHAT a funny-looking man that con- ductor is!"' said Mrs. Jiggles, on the trolley. “Yes,"" said Jiggles. to think who he looks li very familiar to me."” “Oh, I know who it is!"" said Mrs. Jig- gles. ‘‘It's our goldfish !"" A Philosopher “Week before last,’ said the kind lady to the paralyzed beggar, ‘you got a dollar from me because you were deaf and dumb. Last week I gave you a quarter because you were blind, before I realized that you were the same man. Now you ask for money because you are paralyzed."" “Yessum,’’ said the beggar. ‘*Them's the ‘ “Don't you think you'd do better if you chose one aflliction and stuck to it?"’ asked the lady. “T've been trying His face is ts, | do tricks, but no matter how much school- **No, ma'am,"' said the beggar. ‘‘They's | ing they have had, they are still Hogs and nothin’ so fatal to the full development o° | never change their manners. Big Hogs are all one’s nateral powers as narrer speciali- worth more than little Hogs, especially after zation. they have been canned. Canning Hogs is more profitable than raising Hogs, which proves that dead Hogs are the more va ble. The chief characteristic of the H to root—he is not particular where. Ifa Hog were to be turned loose in an office, he would poke around desks, mess up private papers and become a good deal of a nui- sance. It wouldn't be exactly his fault, be- cause he wouldn't have intelligence enough to know there was nothing for him to fatten on; he would just poke about in a senseless grunting unintelligible squeaks, and keep human beings from doing their al- lotted tasks. Don't be a Hog. Maurice Switzer. The Modest Little Maid Miss Prudence Prim retires in gloom; To guard against surprise, sends her sewing from the room— She fears the needles’ eyes. She plugs the keyhole up to thwart The rubber plant, across the court. -C. kL. Shi Eiteom, Not a Popular Suggestion “Ttell you, comrades,"* cried the social- ist orator, ‘if you will only give socialism acchance, you will find it work “Aw, go wan!"" replied the cheer leader in the audience. ‘* What we want is suthin’ that abolishes work."” Costly Bluff Crawford—Is he sorry he boasted so much to his wife about his income? Crabshaw—1 should say he was! She is Owing to the censor, one-half the world doesn't know how the other half dies. i A AI MARKED DOWN ‘Oh, mother, look ! v Mis} ‘3 400411) ORIGINAL rates | GIFT ARTICLES!) He Isn't it too bad Christmas didn’t come just a few weeks later?"” be PROFESSIONAL JEALOUSY f using it as evidence against him in her suit for alimony. “Say, ai soubrette’s, but they never give me a hand. 't that the stupidest audience you ever seen? They went wild over that punk dance of the Believe me, Lil, dramatic art is goin’ to the bow-wows I" comicbooks.com