Judge, 1915-01-09 · page 4 of 24
Judge — January 9, 1915 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The top illustration depicts a "Judge" (a figure of authority/justice) in a chariot pulled by horses, attacking figures with shields labeled "Editorial" and "Trials"—likely representing critics or opposition to the magazine itself. This is self-referential satire. The main article "In Defense of Mince Pies" ironically defends an American food tradition against reformers seeking to eliminate it. The text mocks those who want to ban mince pies, framing this as part of broader attacks on cherished American customs and beliefs by progressive reformers. It's nostalgia-driven satire criticizing food-purity or dietary-reform movements. The bottom cartoons and "Brief Decisions" section contain minor satirical commentary on employment and business matters. The overall page reflects Judge's satirical defense of traditional American values against reform-minded critics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
E D In Defense of Mince Pies HERE are iconoclasts enough in this world, reckless idol smashers, whose greatest joy it is to interfere with our sacred institutions and to trample on our most cherished beliefs. Usually we stand around on the side lines and enjoy the wreckage that they leave be- hind. But there are limits even to our fabled patience. The high-school girls of Columbus, Ind., in cooking class assembled, recently annouuced their discovery that by putting green tomatoes instead of beef into mince-meat, they could eliminate the dreams which are scheduled to follow indulgence in the normal product. ‘*Dreamless mince pies!’’ Shades of Christmas turkeys! We might stand for denatured apple jack and predigested turkey hash and other tasteless provender. But dreamless mince-meat? No! And then to think that this sacrilegious reformation should come from Indiana, from the State of James Whitcomb Riley, of mellow papaws and Wabash River sun- sets, of white-limbed sycamores through which the candlelights of home are gleam- ing—from Hoosierdom, the one State that never has grown old and never will! Nay, let us dream on undisturbed. For there are no dreams quite like those dreams that grew from mince pies such as mother used to make. She used no green-tomato subterfuges in her culinary masterpieces. Ah, the aroma is still with us! For she levied on the spices of all the Indies to make these pies fit incense bearers for her savory Christmas turkeys. No wonder the dreams that followed their consumption were dreams that live in mem- ory. Could we but dream them now! For those were dreams in which we buck- led on our shining armor and went forth to conquer nations. In those mince-pie fan- tasies of richly endowed youth we drove the lurking redskins to their lairs, rescued proud princesses from their wild captors, chased fire-breathing dragons into dark and gloomy THE WAY CUPID GOES AFTER THEM IN THE WEST s caves, won the fair hands of fairer maidens and built our castles amid the sunny hills of Spain. If in these mercenary days there still were dreams to sell, those are the dreams that we would buy. The Guest a Stranger HE New York Sun wonders why the In- terstate Commerce Commissioners were not invited to the ‘‘Prosperity Luncheon" given by the Merchants’ Association. There was nothing unusual in the omission. The distinguished commissioners have not asso- ciated with Prosperity for so long a period that it is quite possible that they would have to be introduced to the guest of honor, who, having just emerged from a seven years’ sleep, has probably grown a crop of long, white whiskers. Brief Decisions NE thing the trouble with the country is that there are so many people who want to be on the payroll and still be among the unemployed. 0 When employes become so indolent that they accomplish absolutely nothing, it is time that they were fired with enthusiasm. Little Editorial Economies, No. 1: Use a paper dress pattern for a war map.