Judge — January 9, 1915 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BLACK & WHITE Scotch Whisky Have you tried the new Quality now being shipped? It is distilled, matured for 10 years in Sherry Wood and bot- tled in bond in Scotland. ALEX D/[SHAW/] eco ny One thing the war has not done— it hasn’t robbed us of Extra Dry the champagne that never did have to bear a foreign label to make it as rich, pure, bubbling and full of the soul of the grape as any wine anybody, anywhere ever bought. Sold everywhere— ‘Served everywhere AMERICAN WINE Co. Sr. Louts, U. S. A. From a Sinner’s Diary KNOW a woman with an angel-band laugh. All the world ig | F full of spring whenever it’s touched off. And it hangs on a hair nit trigger. This sourness at mothers-in-law I don’t understand. I could do Most ba anything for a woman who'd raised a husband for me. Some never sin—nor much of anything else. y. I know a woman whose blossom is never what her bud seems ty stot promise. sot A ,hook baited out of the ‘‘I like you"’ box is real good bait, k shows such superior judgment when they like us, you know. } 8 I know a Persian cat the pup rolls around till he looks like an enlargy | {ee cocoon. oth Brother is just back from beechnutting. He said he got a pocketfy and treed a lot more. 1 To-day little sister tried climbing the barb-wire fence with eigy |! eggs in her hands! “d 1 I've got a new dress. It has a white neckette with tawny billy. goat beards surmounted by six garnet flipflaps over the crest of the 1 clavicle. The belt is wide enough to hide the secret of a nickel a nosegay and a twenty-dollar bill. Also mine vatch. So if anythig | °° overcomes me, mine for that twenty. be Brother says if he lived in Germany, the first move he'd make wou i be to run his trigger finger through a corn shredder. More riots are abroad in my neighborhood than Coxey and Pankhurg 1 combined. And I’m in the midst of 'em all, and happy. te The other day I brought home three cocoanuts and told brother tp pick out the best one, which he did carefully. ‘‘That’s muzzer’s,"| he said. ‘*Now pick out the worst one.’’ (I knew what footpad brother would do this time.) ‘‘That’s Mrs. Hall's,’ and gave him the other, E Whereupon a pout hung to brother like suet to a plate in cold dishwater, fire The maple leaves are dressed, ready, but not in very gay colors this ma fall. They stand waiting for Mr. Frost, who has only run a few litte wi tuning-up scales as yet that merely set them to shifting slightly. He | Th has not struck into the regular tune, that hearing, they forget their | faithful, all-summer pardner and let go to join a new one in alat mad dance before settling down for bed. If you're going to be a humorist, why not look it? | I'm writing a dictionary. Sometimes I think of the definition | before I do the word. What do I want for this: As far apart as the world, feeling you'd rather die alone, and know they were, than be ary } nearer—uncongenial or incompatible? Bound the sweet corn into bungles this afternoon for Loco and He Tamale and the clown colt that always gets there first, and you cat keep her from coming out, and if you hit her on the nose just as hat as you can, you can’t even make her wink. —Lynette Freemire. A Bank Incident FEW days ago and old colored man entered a Guthrie, Oklahoma, bank and presented a check for $3.60, requesting it be cashed The cashier hurriedly counted the silver from the tray, scooted the coins along the marble slab toward the customer, who placed his hands so as to prevent the money from falling upon the floor. Ur noticed by him a fifty-cent piece slid into the coat sleeve of the darkey, who stood at the window counting and recounting the $3.10 before hin The cashier preceived the coin resting in the sleeve, but said nothing Soon the following conversation ensued: “Say, boss, you done made a mistaik in dis yere money."" “Beg pardon, uncle, we never make mistakes in this bank,” repliet the cashier. **"Deed you has, boss. Count it fo’ yo’seff."’ “I will not count it. Iam positive I gave you the correct change!” “’Clah to goodness yo’ has made a mistaik. Dis money am fo’ bits shawt."’ The cashier took down the telephone receiver, and the following fate telephone conversation followed: ‘‘Hello, Central! Give me the chief of police. Hello! Is this the chief of police? Well, send an officer dows to the Bank at once. There is an old negro in here who claims! have short-changed him. He is trying to defraud this bank, for he bss the money concealed in his right sleeve at this moment'’— He did not finish the coversation. The old man excitedly sho his sleeve, the coin fell upon the floor with a loud clatter, and the frightened negro bounded through the door in a wild dash for liberty. The money was sent around to his house. When asked why he w2s® | frightened, he replied, ‘‘’Rest dis niggah? Nawt much! Niggah * | git no justice in white fokes’ cawht!"’