Judge — January 2, 1915 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

own rtp ra ie.” v0n- hat bile | if! a1 With the C Fon for the Printer : or, What Happened to William William had a motor car, Of ninety-horse or so; | It traveled fast, you may believe, Where’er he wished to go. While he was reeling off the miles At forty seconds flat, He failed to see & rock ahead, Andhitit t 1 e that. The auto st, Ba red Pack qn” ”°gth, And spun q u t e h a 1 f w a r y ° d u e n r d, a e Then r upon its driving wheels, And turned clean umop-apisdn, They took the Soq'tg"ed pj°.°s which Were all that they could save; It was not very long before Our William had a grave! —Princeton Tiger. Defined—A piker—One who tries to live within his means.—Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Back to the Laundry—‘‘Did you put in fresh water for the goldfish, Mary?’’ “No, mum; they ain’t drunk up what I gave them yesterday.’’—Princeton Tiger. An Amended Opinion—Patient—Doctor, my lungs hurt me. What shall I do? Doctor (brusquely)— Merely a bad cold. Two dollars, please. Patient —Two dollars for that? I won't pay it! Doctor—Cough again. Hm! Tubercu- losis.—Michigan Gargoyle. % J , At the Gridiron “Tearing off five yards.’’— Dartmouth Jack 0’ Lantern. ollege Wits English As She Is Spik We call a little lamb a lambkin— Now, is not that a fact? But call a little nap a napkin, And they will say you’re crackt. —Stanford Chaparral. After the Dance—First frosh—Thought it was a case of love at first sight. Second frosh—'Twas. But I took an- other look.—Stanford Chaparral. Ofttimes—Bif—What's Banner doing now? Boff—He's a storage-egg tester. Biff—Hum! A student of ancient his- tory.—Stanford Chaparral. His First Reverse —Cornell Widow. Why He Doesn’t Play—‘‘ Why don’t you play golf?’ one clothing salesman asked of his small competitor, “Impossible to shout ‘fore,’ explained the other. ‘‘I can’t resist the impulse to cut it to three-ninety-eight.’’—Columbia Jester. Unnecessary—‘‘ Did you tell Binks I was a fool?"" “No; I thought he knew it.’’—Harvard Lampoon. The Plaintiff's Case—Judge—You say you are suing this man because he did not blow his horn before he ran into you. Plaintiff—I didn’t say he didn’t blow his horn. I said that I couldn't hear it. His blamed old car rattled too much.— Cornell Widow. Now You Know It—He—Could you learn to love me? She—lI learned to speak Chinese.— Dart- mouth Jack o’ Lantern, But —‘‘Confession is good for the soul.’” “Yes; but it’s bad for the reputation.’’ —Yale Record. The Habit —Pete—The poker habit sure got Jones, didn’t it? Skeet— Yep; he even walks with a shuflle.—Michigan Gargoyle. GREAT NEAR “ite purity bas famous. + fe the case of el glass etopoered bottles [ADVT.] January 22, 1820 RY A cold day, and blustery, coming from town. I was mighty’ glad to see the lights of the Inn, where I was, soon made comfortable at the fire with my favorite OLD OVERHOLT RYE “Same for 100 years” rT. For over a century this de- lightful pure Pennsylvania Rye has cheered men's hearts. @ ‘What more strengthening than good Old Overholt? Aged in the wood, bottled in bond. A. Overholt & Co, Pittsburgh, Pa, OF BRAINS IGARS “MADE AT KEY WEST— Hanareda of goed positions pow open. No experience rsred ta eet eve ot therm. barn fig Pay selling woods vite for big list ot positions open and Yrom buniress of eur sexaenis whe rare ‘nearest edie. Dept 817 TOM Crieago, New York, Kansas City, San Prancisce ve -WBB--AE- AMY PB 400 Baths No Inside Rooms French Cuisine Convention Hall Absolutely Fireproof 2 HOTEL ADELPHIA Chestnut Street at 13th, Philadelphia, Pa. ‘Two blocks from either the Pennsylvania or the Reading Railroads. Mopenate Tarirr. DAVID B. PROVAN u. SS comicbooks.com