Judge, 1914-12-26 · page 4 of 25
Judge — December 26, 1914 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct sections: **Top Banner ("The Flight of Time"):** An allegorical illustration showing Time (winged figure) departing while a cherub chases after, representing New Year's transitions. **Left Column ("The Flight of Time"):** Philosophical editorial about how time perception varies by age—youth finds it moves slowly, while adults experience it rushing past. It reflects on New Year's resolutions and the human tendency to procrastinate. **Right Column ("Pure Logic" and "Decisions by the Court"):** Satirical pieces using logical argument and mock-judicial commentary. "Pure Logic" discusses liberty and freedom paradoxically, while "Decisions by the Court" offers tongue-in-cheek legal opinions on human nature and social behavior, including a jab at politicians' knowledge. The overall tone is genteel social satire typical of Judge magazine's educated, urbane humor targeting middle and upper-class readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Flight of Time T° SOME time flies, to others it lags. To the middle-aged and the old New Years pass in quick suc- cession. To the young they seem ages apart. The adult who executes a promissory note or who enters upon any other obligation that implies a day of reckoning is amazed at time’s speed. The boy who watches the posting of circus bills passes - what to him is a lifetime before the show puts up its tents. Even the lad who is to go fishing to-morrow can’t wait in pa- tience for to-morrow’s sun. And to the young man and woman who are to marry, what a very snail is time until the happy day! By the same token, what about the spinster whose hope for wedlock gradually weakens yet pérsists with every passing year? To her, time indeed flies! Now we have another New Year, with its various outlooks and its multitude of possibilities. And one can almost hear the rustling of new leaves turned over. New purposes, new aims, aspiration typ- ify it, with a heartfelt undercurrent everywhere outside of the terrible fields of carnage for those in Europe to whom the New Year means but greater desola- tion. May the next New Year see some happiness where now despair stalks in a thousand shapes! As for the new leaves, they will be turned in most cases only to have those who turn them revert sooner or later to habits that have become fixed. Some few may triumph over habit and become bet- ter and happier in one or another way. But it must not be thought useless to turn over new leaves, even if usage shall turn them back again; for every impulse {aan The new bookkeeper—Confound it! page, too! The very first to do better or to become better marks advance, and who shall measure the ef- fects of many right impulses, though this time they may fail of purpose? The fewer promises a man makes, the more he is sure to keep. Pure Logic LIBERTY commands the highest price of all known things. Its price is so high that nobody can pay it. Proof. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. Eternal vigilance is to be ever on the job. To be ever on the job is to have no leisure or vacation. To have no leisure or vaca- tion is to beaslave. Tobe a slave is not to have liberty. Therefore, in or- der to be free, we must enslave ourselves, which is absurd. Q. E. D. Decisions by the Court E ARE not author on matters as far back as Genesis, but we'll bet our judicial wig against any old kind of a hat that after the apple episode Adam and Eve felt very much put out; and as for the serpent, compelled to do all his walking thereafter on his digestive appa- ratus—traveling on his shape, as it were —he must have felt very creepy indeed. Of course His Honor is for suffrage. He firmly believes that the guy who first put the polly in politics knew what he was about. There's plenty of room at the top, but not much company. Avoid arguments if possible, and espe- cially avoid them if impossible.