Judge, 1914-12-26 · page 18 of 25
Judge — December 26, 1914 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising and service content** rather than political satire, though it includes one humorous poem. The main satirical piece is **"Betes Noires"** (French for "pet peeves"), a poem by Burges Johnson mocking women's magazine culture. The author complains about Women's Page writers ("a race of vipers") who teach children to make crafts like "ornate penwipers" and "match receivers" from straws and wire. He also criticizes kindergartens, bazaars, and stores selling frivolous items like "heelless slippers"—targeting the sentimental domesticity and commercialized sentimentality marketed to women in the early 20th century. **"The Difference"** humorously contrasts how traveling theater troupes (specifically Uncle Tom's Cabin companies) once operated with multiple cast members handling logistics, versus the modern era where a single express clerk ships the entire production as a small celluloid film box—satirizing cinema's disruption of live theater. The remainder consists of advertisements for cocktail mixers, hotels, pianos, and tire information services typical of the era's magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
you would be proud of the ability to mix cocktails as good as these. mixers are experts of long experience. But no matter how ood a mixer you are, you cannot age your cocktails in wood—as we do Club Cockti Measure mixed, of finest selected liquors — Club Cocktails are served wherever the smooth- ness and fragrance of a good cocktail are known and valued. Alll the popular kinds—at your dealer's G.F.HEUBLEIN & BRO. aM Hartford New York London Importers ofthe famous Brand's A-1 Sauce Quaint, Historic NEW ORLEANS “The Paris of America.” Offers delizhtful variation from the winter abroad, with all the at- tractions of a Continental city. The StCharles Finest all year hotel in the South, Perfectly appointed and accom- modating 1,000 guests. Alfred S. Amer & Co,, Ltd., Props. Under Same Management, Tb Edgewood, Greenwich,Conn, “New York's ideal suburban Hotel.’ MAY TO OCTOBER. PIANOS—PLAYER PIANOS FACTORY TO HOME $ 00 Betes Noires HE scribes who write the Wom- an's Page, They are a race of vipers; They rouse my unavailing rage By teaching those of tender age To make ornate penwipers. And kindergartens stir my ire— I join the unbelievers— Where trustful little ones acquire A way to make of straws and wire Artistic match receivers. And oft my frame of mind compares To Job’s or Jack the Ripper’s, Against bazaars and sales and fairs Which sell, with other silly wares, Those flapping, heelless slippers. Forgive my far from joyful theme; But at this time I find There rise up certain thoughts which seem To quite obstruct my worthy scheme Of loving all mankind. —Burges Johnson, The Difference IN THE good old days, when an Uncle Tom's Cabin company struck town, this was about the order of procedure: The whole company waved farewell to the press agent, who was seen on the caboose of an outgoing freight train, headed for the next stand, The lawyer whose name was Marks took the two bloodhounds and hunted a boarding house for them. The Topsy went to the post-office to send a money order for $1.37 to her sick sister in Menominee. The Uncle Tom looked around for a book store, where he could exchange a few ‘nickel libraries,’’ his sole reading matter between stops. The Eliza hunted up some old friends of her cousin’s family, with a possible din- ner invitation in view. The Little Eva, hating the entire com- pany and cordially hated in return, cele- brated her nineteenth birthday by buying a dress marked: ‘‘Ten-year-old size."" The manager sent a telegram to his brother, in the hardware business at Cherry Valley, Ill, for money enough to pay the express charges on the scenery. But alack for all such human activities to-day! Now when this deathless drama arrives, an express clerk simply tosses forth a small box marked: UNCLE TOM’S CABIN Four Reels CELLULOID COMBUSTIBLE KEEP AWAY FROM FIRE Use No Hooks Furrriers are the only people who can run a skin business openly. 22 Fifth Aves New Gentlemen: —Tdrive as. Get Greater Mileage From Your Tires The Motor Depart- ment of Leslie’s Weekly is able to help you obtain greater mileage from your tires. Not only will the proper size for your car be suggested, but the pressure to which the different sizes should be inflated will be advised as well. Fill out all blanks on the coupon below and the de- sired information will be sent you without charge. Tire Information Coupon {(sosge or Department. Leslie's Weekly. ¥ 1ea818 York City. seer. weighs. pounds