Judge — December 12, 1914 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

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Every newspaper and peri- odical of importance in the United States and Europe is searched. ‘Terms, $5.00 for 100 notices. HENRY ROMEIKE, 106-110 Seventh Ave., N. Y. If coming to New York Why Pay Excessive Hotel Rates THE CLENDEN NG 193 W. 103 St., New York Select, Home-like, Economical. Suites of Parlor, Bedroom, Private Bath for two persons $2.00 daily. Write for descriptive booklet K with fine map of city. HENRY LINDENMEYR & SONS PAPER WAREHOUSE Nos, $2, 34 and 36 Bleecker Street Branch Warehouses: Street New York. and 22 Clinton Street Newark, N. J ALL KINDS OF PAPER M. TO ORDER WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SOME simple thing to patent? | Protect your ideas, ther may bring you wealth. Write for “Needed Inventions” and ” How to Get Your Patent and Your Money.” Randaph & Co., Patent Attorneys. Dept. 129, Washington, D. C. 29 Beckman. Judge—™ Happy Medium For Sale at all Newsstands Stories -with Smifes How Smith Got Back—Senator Charles F. Townsend, of Michigan, smiled when reference was made to somnambulism. He said he was reminded of a story along that line. A man named Jones was talking to his friend Brown one night, when the lat- ter casually mentioned Smith, a mutual acquaintance. “Makes me think of an experience Smith had a few weeks ago,’’ laughed Jones, ‘‘He dreamed that he was an In- dian, and getting out of bed, he wrapped a blanket around himself and started to walk through the woods. Woke up about three hours later and found himself ten miles from home and no carfare in sight."” “You don’t mean it!’’ was the amazed rejoinder of Brown. ‘‘How in the world did he get back?"’ “That was easy,’’ was the cheerful re- ply of Jones. ‘He lay down under a ‘tree, dreamed that he was an Indian again and walked back.'’—Philadelphia Telegraph. Business Reason—An old colored man, charged with stealing chickens, was ar- raigned in court and was incriminating himself when the judge said, “You ought to have a lawyer. your lawyer?” “Ah ain’t got no lawyer, jedge,’’ the old man. “Very well, then,’’ said his honor; ‘*1'll assign a lawyer to defend you.” “Oh, no, suh; no, suh! Please don’t do dat!’’ the darky begged. “Why not?’’ asked the judge. ‘‘It won't cost you anything. Why don’t you want a lawyer?” “Well, jedge, Ah’ll tell you, suh,”” said the old man, waving his tattered old hat confidentially. ‘‘Hit’s jest dis way—Ah wan’ tuh enjoy dem chickens mahse’f!’’ —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. Where's said Why They Were Fresh—A German dairyman and farmer personally applied to a Pueblo housekeeper for a transfer of her custom to himself. “TI hear dot you haf a lot of drouble with dot dairyman of yours,’ he said. “*Yust you gif me your custom, and dere will be no drouble."” “Are your eggs always fresh?’’ asked the woman. “Fresh !’’ repeated the German, in an indignanttone. ‘‘Let me del you, madam, dot my hens nefer, nefer lay anything but fresh eggs!'’—Field and Farm. Erasing Robert—‘‘S-s-s-sus-say, ma,’’ stammered Bobby, through the suds, as his mother scrubbed and scrubbed him, “I guess you want to get rid o’ me, don’t you?’’ ‘‘Why, no, Bobby, dear,’’ replied his mother. ‘‘Whatever put such an idea into your mind?”” “Oh, nuthin’,”’ said Bobby. “Only it seems to me you're tryin’ to rub me out.’” —Onward. Letters of a SELF-MADE FAILURE . 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