Judge — November 21, 1914 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Unconscious Humor AULT is sometimes found with the common-schoo! system of education. Some of the things discovered in the papers sent to the office of the Regents at Albany by students would suggest that all is not perfect in the system. The distinguishing characteristic of many errors marked, however, is humor— unconscious humor. One paper submitted declared that ‘‘dew is caused by the and doughnuts; the Eskimos on gum drops.’’ A bit of interesting biography is condensed thus: ‘‘Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was born in Portland, Me., while his parents were traveling on the continent. He made many fast friends; among the fastest were Alice and Phawbe Cary."” One of the Regents’ examiners, it is said, has bound a lot of these replies to questions in a little book, which he passes about among school teachers af- flicted with the blues. JunGr seeks to promote joy by publishing these few ex- amples, with no reflection whatever on the common-school system. Portland’s Precautions PORTLAND, Oregon, doesn’t propose to have any illness that can possibly be avoided. The city health department de- clares that automobiles, engines and other sterilized rags, sterilization to consist in boiling for forty minutes in a solution of caustic soda. It is a wise precaution. There is no knowing what fell maladies these swetting of the earth.”’ ‘‘The sun has been shining on the ocean for thousands of years,"’ says another student, ‘‘but it hasn't been able to warm it up much yet.’’ Another insists that ‘‘the stomach forms a part of the Adam’s apple.’’ Anorigi- nal angle on patriotism is shown by the statement that ‘‘George Wash- ington married Martha Washington and in due time became the father of his country.”” Natural history, philosophy and science are all illuminated by stu- dents of original ideas. ‘‘The hair keeps things from going into the brain,’ says one. ‘‘The bacteria gets into a mosquito,’’ says another, “and when the mosquito bites a per- son the bacteria gets off."’ And another warns by saying that ‘you can distribute bacteria by being too close friends." Indigestion is caused, says one, ‘‘by trying to make a square meal fit a round stom- ach."’ A delta is defined as ‘‘a river with its mouth full of mud."’ The Arabs, says a student, ‘‘live on dates i — Wa Gnnaren said | SELECTING THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY machines might contract if not care fully fortified against obtrusive germs. Machines are becoming more delicate all the time, and we can't be too careful. Indeed, as rags for wiping machinery become dirty very quickly, the only real safe method would be to sterilize them after each wipe. Then there is another side to it. As automobiles and engines go swiftly through the country, they gather up many germs on their own hook. Perfect safety, therefore, requires that they should be thor- oughly sterilized before being allowed to come into contact with perfectly clean rags. Eternal steri- lization is the price of liberty. The Star-Spangled Banner THE Star-Spangled Banner is a hundred years old, and there isn’t a sign of a flat or a change of key in it yet. Three cheers for it! Long be it green On the lips of mankind and the rec- ord machine!