Judge — November 14, 1914 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Concentrating Apple Jack WE TREMBLE for the safety of the nation. Ina reckless moment the experts of the Department of Agriculture have made public a new process of ‘‘con- centrating’’ apple cider. They have dis- covered a way by which five gallons of ordinary apple cider can be converted into one gallon of concentrated cider, thus saving shipping, storage and handling charges. All of which is lovely enough. And if it is confined to the common or garden variety of apple cider, whose virgin deli- cacy carries with it only the sweet aroma of orchard sunshine, all would be well. For even concentrated sun- shine is not dangerous. But the grave peril of this innovation lies in the likeli- hood that our more intrepid cider consumers will attempt the same concentration pro- cess with apple jack that has been allowed to get as hard as a miser’s heart. And then we feel sorry for the neighbor- hood. Just imagine concen- trating five gallons of genuine New Jersey apple jack, such as Senator Martine loves to advertise in the United States Senate—apple jack of a kind that makes peaceful citizens want to tear up oak trees or wreck a trolley car—apple jack that would make the Montenegrin army think itself ready to fight the allies and Countryman—It's a Greek dance, Emmy, R Germany combined — apple jack whose lightest tipple spells ruin, anarchy, cata- clysm and chaos, And then think of concentrating some- thing of that kind. Concentrated nitro- glycerin or lyddite would be diluted milk in such comparison. And as for drinking any of this con- centrated stuff —prussic acid raised to the nth power would be a delicate after- dinner cordial. Now is the time for life, casualty and fire insurance underwriters to act. A Bid for a Nobel Prize E WONDER if it has ever occurred to medical science to use the cud of acow to vaccinate a man against the dan- gers of hay fever. Having an eye to one of the Nobel prizes, we herewith lay claim to the invention of the idea. GAlen His wife—Yes, it is to me, too. Good Families CODE OFTEN meets people who boast that they come from ‘‘good fam- ilies,’’ but one has great difficulty in de- termining what a good family is. To lay any great stress on good families is mean- ingless, unless one is to understand a great number of bad families from whom they are to be carefully distinguished. But where shall we look for a competent authority to establish the lines along which this distinction is to be made? Any authority we might select would have to come from some family that most of us do not care for. We couldn’t do it on the census plan of going to each fam- ily and asking if it were good or bad. Every family’s opin- ion of itself can be forecast unerringly without going to that trouble. Perhaps the task is too big for any but a long-suffering academician, and he could not invest his work with enough vitality to make it of any value. About all we can do is to conclude that there is so much bad in the best of fami- lies and so much good in the worst of them that it hardly behooves anybody to boast of his ancestors. The only nations now at war on this continent are the nomi- nations. His Honor isn’t wor- rying much on this score. He's on the bench for life.