Judge — November 7, 1914 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

As to Osculation O#. THESE DOCTORS! Oneof them, a gentleman with the soul-warming name of Snow, who, we are informed, is the general secretary of a health society somewhere, tells us that osculation— which is Bostonese for kissing—should be utterly abandoned, unless little squares of tissue paper, previously subjected to a bath in a sanitary solution, are placed over the mouths of kisser and kissee as a preventive of disease. We do not know what the doctor pro- poses to call these sterilized saluta- tions, or how far his propaganda is going to be accepted by proper and improper geese; but our imagination is not strong enough to foresee the day when druggists will issue little books of kisserette papers for the amorously inclined, similar to those now provided by tobacconists for cigarette smokers. We fancy that, germ-laden or otherwise, the good old-fashioned, uninsulated, labial smack will con- tinue in vogue, in spite of the doc- tors. But if the matter is so im- portant in a sanitary sense as they would have us believe, and kissing is really a menace to health, why do not our medical scientificos devi: some sort of an inoculation—or inosculation—as a preventive of trouble? Man is now inoculated for typhoid, with some success, we hear. Why not for what we might call osculoid? As well expect a water drinker to carry a germ strainer in his throat as ask a pair of lovers to strain their labial attentions at the su- preme moment of the entente cor- diale through any kind of an inter- vening substance. Pyramus tried to kiss Thisbe The jish—That's a fluke! ‘Try that over again. through a stone wall, but that is the only concrete case on record where the system worked at all, and even at that it has not commended itself to Jovers to any notice- able degree throughout the centuries that have elapsed since it was recorded. Brief Decisions THE apple crop for 1914 tots up to fifty million barrels. As an army core that’s some pippin! Many a soft word has turned out in the last analysis to be a dum-dum! The latest war news indicates numerous ‘checks’ on both sides, but unfortunately none of them are certified. PISCATORIAL Be a sport! To Run or Not To Run? WHEN the lumberjacks, in the good old B. C. days, used to foregather in Tyre and Sidon at the end of a busy season to buy purple calico and red booze and get the odor of cedar out of their sensoria, the gentlemen who followed the profession of annexing travelers’ funds met the situation with the most modern methods, The flush and fragrant industrialists were pleasantly entertained and profitably detained by frequent cabaret attractions, of which the main feature, instead of the tango and the rag, were travel- ers’ stories, related by recognized experts. Many of these narratives be- came famous, extended from clime to clime and descended from age to age, but none was more popu- lar and renowned than that con- cerning Talos, the brass man of Crete. The gist of it was that Mr. Talos had a unique method of welcoming strangers to his island, in that he heated himself red-hot and clasped them with his long brass arms to his ardent brass bo- som. As a culinary experiment the operation, it was declared, was always successful and fatal. The recital begemmed many a black beard with many a boozy tear. And thus the knowledge became current, in the camps on Lebanon and in distant lands, that it is well to avoid the embrace of the red-hot man of brass. Might not most of us be safer and hap- pier for remembering this story, with its moral? Wouldn’t it bes pretty good one to recall when we are tempted by the open arms of designing men who try to persuade us to run for office?