Judge, 1914-10-17 · page 16 of 24
Judge — October 17, 1914 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page features a satirical column mocking Washington, D.C.'s public statuary. The author (Francis X. Oswald) argues that the city is cluttered with poorly executed bronze monuments to historical figures—"heroic dead" depicted in unflattering ways. He sarcastically suggests the statues are so ugly that if the actual heroes resembled them, "it is probably better for posterity that they are dead." The satire intensifies with absurd examples: statues titled "Longfellow with the Toothache" and "General Jackson Turning a Back Somersault on Horseback." The punchline involves a fictional government solution—concealing these eyesores by June 1st each year with climbing vines, poison ivy, and morning glories, implying the monuments serve no purpose except as targets for vandals. The critique reflects early 20th-century debates about public art quality and Washington's aesthetic disorder amid rapid monument construction.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PlainEndorCorkTip The Best Xmas Gift How To N Wanted Teer Men and Women (RZUDUI3 To Write Photoplays by This Booklet Free | s==-=== All arma Snmaie Ren of GUARANTEE } you } $10 FOR | FIRST PHOTOPLAY s {sorak titer of one of the world's om What's Not in Washington Things That Might Have Taken Place in ty Nation's Ca; but Haven't By FRANCIS X. OSWALD Washington Correspondent of Juvor (Special Dispatch to Jupce) Wasuincton, D. C., October 17th, 194; —The Government Fine Arts Commissios has discovered a way to conceal the woo. derful statuary which disfigures Washing. ton’s beautiful parks. Probably no other city in the United States is 8o full of ine horses and iron men as the capital. The; blossom up in every nook and corner of the city. As masterpieces of the gn tesque in art, they are prize-winners, Washington has a fine outlay of diag. onal boulevards whose intersections make pretty breathing spots of trees and gran, Gradually, however, these are being elzt tered up with a weird collection of bron contraptions presumed to represent th heroic dead. If the heroes they portny looked anything like these effigies, it is probably better for posterity that they are dead. | Every week or so some dashing explore: discovers a triangle yet undefiled by th hands of asculptor. Then a bill is rushed through Congress and some newly resur. rected figure in our history is placed upes the roll of monuments. The people wh are responsible for the erection of thes affairs are usually careful enough to hav the name of the victim inscribed upon th pedestal. But for that, it probably would be difficult to identify most of them. But mere identification adds little te their attraction. If they serve any red or useful purpose, it so far has evaded the governmental economists, The nearest approach that they have come to actu! service was in last summer's invasion of Washington by the army worm. Ven cious observers insist that when the army worms approached within sight of th famous statues of ‘‘Longfellow with th Toothache’’ and ‘‘General Jackson Tur ing a Back Somersault on Horseback,” they gave up in despair and died. This is said to account for the fact that the parks containing these specimens escaped the ravages of this insect. But even that triumph is hardly sof cient to redeem these foundry prodoct. So the commission has discovered that by planting a generous assortment of mor ing glories, moon vines, poison ivy s similar plants about the base of est statue and carefully trailing them ore the bronze projections, Washington wil be spared their view after June Ist ¢ each year. Most of these vines grow® | quickly, says the report of the commit | sion, that by the end of May the statue | will have been effectively concealed. Tb | poison ivy is included in the list of plants | because it is believed that its use wil | prevent enemies of the deceased from & | tempting to remove the screen. | FAR SPRING WATER. GREAT I tape toe the case of comicbooks.com