Judge, 1914-09-19 · page 19 of 24
Judge — September 19, 1914 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page mixes humor writing with advertising. The left side contains diary entries and short jokes typical of Judge magazine's satirical style—witty observations about human nature ("A doctor always has a front seat at the play 'Misery'") and domestic life. The brief dialogue pieces ("Agreed for Once," "Misunderstood") use wordplay and marital tension for comedy. The right side advertises two products: Egyptian Deities cigarettes and Beeman's Pepsin Chewing Gum. Notably, there's a fake testimonial ("Happy Once More") where someone named Jimson claims "Judge" (the magazine itself, punning on the product name) cured his depression—a humorous self-advertisement. The page reflects early 20th-century advertising practices: products made dubious health claims (pepsin for digestion), and magazines freely mixed editorial content with promotional material, sometimes blurring the line between satire and actual product endorsement.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
From a Sinner’s Diary IF TIME seems long, do something be- sides w: A doctor always has a front seat at the play ‘‘Misery,"” don’t he? I know a man who can afford a nickel’s worth when it doesn’t cost him anything. Don’t let the solemn-looking old yeast fool you when you lift the cover and look in the crock. It may run all over the kitchen before morning. If you set brother shoveling paths in the snow, he sticks the shovel ina bank and wallers back and forth. He says he’s more used to handling his feet. Last night I played for a dance. I wore my dun-colored marseillaise trimmed with pale pink Union Pacific semaphores. Just as everybody had promenaded to their bases and stood quietly getting their breath for the next inning, a boy began to fall down. Pretty soon he made it— cospat! After he’d been properly ap- plauded and it was quiet again, the floor manager said to him, ** Wait for the call !"' and the noise began all over. There's a woman comes to the dances who makes me feel that I'd like to so live that I'd be a blessing, as she is, to every- body I happen to alemand left with in the quadrille of Life. If there's a certain vibration that would collapse the Flatiron Building and Brooklyn Bridge, there must be one that would make her like me; but Ihave not been able to find it, seeming! y of lariating and dragging bre to the chaparral she does not ap- prove. I want to set her jingling with sdmiration, just as T can take the plain old Dehord and set it toa triple mov ment on the banjo—which is the only keyboard I know—and she being a Stradi- varius, I seem unable to pizzicato the least little harmony. How proud I'd be, had I any laurels, if she'd even walk on 'em! I wish I had a stove that would hold the color a bright blue dress makes me look! I've got a new beloved. For which the old ones are truly grateful. They’re getting a much needed rest. I know it bas been tough on them, but it has made me what I am. If you are inclined to feel murderous, open the window. It may be only lack —Lynette Free Agreed for Once Mr. Gnaggs—I want you to understand, Mr. Gnaggs, that I am no fool. Mrs. Gnaggs—For once I agree with jou. A fool and his money are soon parted, and I have never been able to get ‘dollar out of you. Misunderstood She sighed in such a plaintive way, I pitied her, I vow, sought to kiss her grief away. She is the plaintiff now! Silerd Oranges with aw of Abbott's Bitters are fal. ay re by. tal and b of H 4 la tampa C.W, Abbott €Co., Baltimore. Md. (ADY.) EGYPTIAN DEITIES Plain End or Cork Tip “Tre Gemosr in Cigarettes” HAPPY ONCE MORE “T felt blue and discouraged,”’ said Jimson, “And life and its work were a drudge, L spend hundreds of dollars on tonics But was cured with four doses of JUDC comicbooks.com