Judge — September 5, 1914 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Reforming the Club Sandwich OR SOME time culinary reformers have been quietly at work trying to eliminate the top storyof three-flat club sandwiches, That, at last, is a re- form movement to whose support all sane folks ean rally. Just what the top story of these architectural monstrosi- ties was intended to do nobody ever could fathom. Probably it was added to increase the difficulty of consumption. For one of the chief aims of the cuisine in cultivated realms is to puzzle the uninitiated and to befuddle the confused lowbrow outsiders who have not learned which fork to use with the demitasse or which knife goes best with the pretzels a la Roshka- novitz. Volumes have been written about the best modes of attack upon the clubsandwich. Culinary strategists of all ages have looked upon its de- struction as one of the most diffi- cult feats of gustatory legerdemain. For years the direct assault from above, a la Zeppelin, was looked upon as the most expeditious and least annoying to the neutral ter- ritory surrounding the zone of at- tack. This, however, has its mani- fest disadvantages, and strategists of more modern schools have coun- seled a flanking assault, while others have approved of subterranean mining, which resulted in the pre- liminary devastation of the lower strata before the remainder of the structure could be reached. We have no preference. Because of its manifest simpli- fication of the difficulties of this problem, the discarding of the upper layer of this mess of toast and things may prove an uplift move- ] ment, after all. It is certainly another way of raising the high cost of living by taking off the lid. But we are for it. A Pointer Professor Garret Droppers has suc- ceeded Mr. George Fred Williams at Athens, where our late minister nearly poured some Greece into the fire. It ought to be made clear to the Grecian government, as well as to the unallied Powers, that while Professor Droppers is a teacher at Williams College, he is not a diplomat of the Williams school. Slith- ers is informed that his facetious sugges- tion that Garret Droppers was chos because he was considered an Attic phi- losopher comes perilously near being con- tempt of court and will be so penalized if repeated. | WM Hii A FACER “Well Tommy what are you going to be when you grow up?"* “Tam go gto be a man.” Brief Decisions IF THE Madame Caillaux acquittal es- tablishes a precedent in France, the great European republic ought at least to establish a closed season for editors, in which they may not lawfully be shot; other- wise there won't be anybody but office boys left in the sanctum. Business men, as they view AN present conditions, will probably agree with the re- mark of a cynic the other night, that while Brother Bill Bryan is doubtless an A No. 1 evangelist, he and his confreres are not revivalists to such an extent that anybody interested in the matter would find it oppressively noticeable. We respectfully suggest that what Europe needs most these days is not a Peace Commission, but a Commission de Lunatico Inquirendo. Branches of Matteawan at Berlin, St. Petersburg and Vierina, for the use of crowned heads, might serve a better purpose even than The Hague. Lock 'em up! Travelers abroad trying to get home, where they are not likely to be pushed out of bed by a stray can- non ball at an unseemly hour of the morning, have not noticed any per- ceptible decline in what we may call the ‘‘berth rate.’ In some cases, on the contrary, it seems materially to have increased. c There is one thing about the rumored food shortage in Paris that isencouraging. Those Paris chefs are so skillful with their sauces that they can make nothing taste like something without half trying, and render even a fried hia- tus palatable. comicbooks.com