Judge, 1914-08-22 · page 7 of 24
Judge — August 22, 1914 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains three satirical pieces mocking contemporary social attitudes: **"The Law of Opposites"** depicts courtship logic—a woman rejects a suitor for being too similar, then grows jealous when he pursues someone opposite to her. The satire targets female inconsistency in romantic expectations. **"His Allegations"** presents a caricatured African American man seeking divorce because his wife associates with missionaries and evangelists (likely working with "Peruvians" or foreign converts). The dialect-heavy humor and depiction rely on racist stereotypes common to the era, mocking both the man's complaint and implicitly the charitable/missionary activities themselves. **Minor pieces** include "Scandal" (about broken engagements), "Figuratively Speaking" (women's suffrage joke about "dividing homes"), and "Converted" (American tourists abroad). The page's humor targets women's inconsistency, missionary zeal, and suffrage—reflecting early-20th-century conservative attitudes. The racist caricature represents period publication standards now recognized as deeply offensive.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Law of Opposites «LL NEVER marry you," she said, And positively shook her head. “Your hair is dark, and so is mine; Our eyes with rival azures shine. Our skins hold both the self- same hue, And | am thin, and so are you. We're far too much alike,”’ said she. “You'll have to go away from me!’’ “I know a girl across the street,’’ lanswered, ‘‘who is very sweet. Her heir is gold, her eyes are brown, Her cheek is soft as thistledown. She is my opposite in all— Ithink you're right. I'll go and call."” “You'd go and call on her?"’ said she. “What? And you'd go away from me?”’ ted Robinson. Scandal Rocker—I hear that Helen has broken her engagement to Jack. Mrs. Knocker—Yes. They say she thought he was too good to be true. HES His Allegations «e? BLEEGED to yo’, sah!’’ suid a weary-looking negro, in reply to the inquiry of a prominent Arkansas at- torney into whose office he had percolated. “And dis yuh am what yo’ kin do for me, if yo’ please, sah: I dess ’scusably wants to git a divo’ce fum muh wife, on de grounds 0’ 'sociatin’ too blame’ much wid de Peeroovians.’” “The Peruvians?"’ “*Yassah; de Peeroovians or Feejees, or whatever dey is. De lady is slim and has intellectuals and incites po’try and ’magines she’s ’most white, whilst I's lumpy and black and works in de brick- yahd. And when I’s dar, uh-breakin’ muh back in de br’ilin’ sun, she’s done got de house full o’ ’vangelists and mis- sionaries dat’s eeder gwine to de Peeroo- viuns, de Feejees or de what-yo’-may- call-ums or comin’ back fum dar—niggers mostly wid side whiskers, and all wid ap- petites, fetch-take em! And dar dey sets and eats like dragons and sympathizes wid muh wife for bein’ mar’d to a brute dat don’t ’preciate her, and drinks up what little gin I’s saved for Sunday. And by de time I gits home, all wo’ out fum muh work in de brickyahd, she’s off to a meetin’ to enervate de Peeroovians, or some sich foolishness; and I has to fry de mush and slap on de liver, or I don’t eat. “If she keers mo’ for dem Peeroovians dan she do for me, let her go to ’em! De next rattle out’n de box, sah, I’s gwine to marry a fat black ’ooman, so ugly dat de dogs runs fum her, and wid so little sense dat she thinks a ‘dustrious husband in de hand am wuth mo’ dan a whole tribe o’ Peeroovians ’way off yander in de bushes!" —Tom P. Morgan. Figuratively Speaking Hough—What will be the mathematical results of the suffrage canvass? Gruf—To multiply our clubs and divide our homes. & 2 ~ Converted American tourist in Lon- don—This is fierce—what? Another American tourist in London—Isit? Hereafter I shall see America first. = comicbooks.com