Judge, 1914-08-22 · page 15 of 24
Judge — August 22, 1914 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge contains three satirical sections reflecting early 20th-century sensibilities: **"Ghostly Gossip"** mocks the era's eugenic movement by imagining famous historical figures rejected by a "eugenic club" for physical imperfections—Alexander for limping, Hannibal for being one-eyed, Caesar for baldness. The satire critiques the pseudoscientific racism gaining popularity at the time. **"No Use for It"** is a brief joke about a man who steals hats after dinner instead of retrieving his checked hat—satire on petty theft and dishonesty among the supposedly genteel. **"Bonehead Plays" and "Then as Now"** present humorous historical "what-ifs" and observations. The film strip below showcases "Nabbed in Time," a Judge motion picture featuring smuggling and crime—typical melodramatic content of early cinema that the magazine both covered and gently mocked. Overall, the page reflects Judge's role satirizing contemporary social trends, gender dynamics, and entertainment culture of the early 1900s.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“cuosep, EN? LOOKS PURTY NIGH WIDE OPEN TO ME!" Ghostly Gossip HREE of our most famous conquerors were turned down by the new eugenic club last night: Alexander, because he limps; Hannibal, because he is one-eyed; and Cesar, because he is bald- headed. We hope New York will put some of the rest of us in new plays. When Omar heard his name is twinkling in in- candescents on Broadway, he told the bartenders at his Ru- baiyat Buffet to put a lock on the cash register for twenty- four hours. Circe won’t eat pork. She says she has never cared much for it since she turned Ulysses’s companions into hogs and got the dickens for it, Job asserts that his patience was never really tested, be- cause there was no Mexican” revolution in his day. Cleopatra declares that the German judgling who tried to define a kiss knows just as much about it as an oyster buried in five inches of chipped ice. Joseph says that his broth- ers didn’t exactly sell him. Rather, they met a few col- ored Arabs and began shoot- ing craps, The brothers went broke, pawned their stage clothes, and then had to put him up for fading change. Cassandra, our well-known Trojan prophetess, was arrested by Captain Kidd last night, for running a palm- reading and fortune-telling emporium. —G.W. Parker. No Use for It Mr. Debonair, entering dining-room of Palace Hotel, hands his hat to waiter, who offers him a check. Mr. Debonair—Thanks; I’ve no use for it. Waiter—No use for it, sir? It’s a check for your hat. Mr. Debonair—I understand; but I've no use for it. I always take the best hat I can find after dinner, —M. B. Hitchcock. It is quite appropriate for the elevator men’s club to favor the uplift movement. JUDGE'S MOTION PICTURES Nabbed in Time: or, The Smuggler’s Finish. Bonchead Plays that Made History ADAM sampling the pippin. Hercules taking that job. Socrates giving up single bliss. Samson taking that snooze. Ponce de Leon trying to get a drink. Captain Kidd dying intestate. Paul Revere not hiring a taxi. Benedict Arnold tipping his mitt. Miles Standish using John Alden for a Cupid. =T. J. MeCarron. Then as Now Appollo had proposed taking Venus to the Olympian games. “How long will it take you to get ready?’’ he asked. “*About ten minutes,’’ Venus answered. “By thunder!’’ muttered Apoll, after waiting half an hour. ‘‘When she has only to twist up her hair!’” |, PASSED’ BYse THE BOARD) 3 comicbooks.com