Judge, 1914-08-15 · page 8 of 24
Judge — August 15, 1914 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humorous anecdotes satirizing social behavior and character types common in early 20th-century America. **"The Borrower"** is the main piece—a poem about "neighbor Gregg," a manipulative charmer who flatters the narrator extravagantly while systematically borrowing his possessions (horse, motorcycle, cow, pig, fountain pens, even his father's hat). The satire targets the "confidence man" archetype: someone who uses charm and flattery to exploit generous but gullible people. The narrator admits knowing Gregg's scheme but cannot refuse him—commenting on his own weakness. **Other brief items** include: - A fishing anecdote mocking a gullible deacon fooled by a fake lure - A cooking-class joke about learning to "dish up scandal" - Observations on vanity and painful honesty ("Sister said you were painfully homely") - A final item about someone committing a social faux pas by using French slang at a country club The overall theme: exploitation of human vanity, gullibility, and social pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
How Suckers Bite ONE SUNDAY morning, on his way to church, a dea- con observed a boy industriously fishing. After the lad had landed several, he approached and said, ‘*My son, don’t you know it is very wrong to catch fish on the Sabbath Day? And, besides, it is very cruel to impale that poor, helpless beetle upon that sharp hook.’”* Said the boy, ‘‘Oh, say, mister, this is only an imita- tion! It ain’t a real bug.’’ “Bless me!’’ replied the deacon. ‘‘Why, I thought it was a real bug!"’ The boy, lifting a fine string of fish out of the water, said, ‘So did these suckers! ’ Lessons of Value ‘*What did you learn at your cooking class this morning?” “*How to pluck a goose, how to curry favor and how to dish up a scandal."” THE SMILE that’s worn by neighbor Gregg beats all the smiles in town, and when he comes to pull my leg I cannot turn him down. He surely has a winning way that no one can resist; and so he works me, day by day, and always will, I wist. What Sister Said eo iaivewocun, “Does your face hurt much?"” id “‘No, Johnnie. What made you think my face ached?" M. ss iter, m: n and setter, ’ Fs , He tells me that the country needs in office men of brain; Iam a rose among the weeds, a man supremely sane. He says | stand above the ruck, gigantic, noble, grand, and politics would be in luck if I would take a band. Then, to my horror, he tries to borror My driving horse and rig, My motorcycle, so help me Michael, The milk cow and the pig. He says the speech I made last night left Bryan at the post; as orator I am all right, the city’s pride and boast. He says, ‘‘Your burning words will live while waves beat on the beach; not even Cicero could give the people such a speech!’" And then, by gorry, he asks to borry A pair of fountain pens, The works of Lytton, a cat and kitten, A rooster and three hens. He says that I would rise to fame by any route I'd choose, for I'd excel at any game that human beings use. A better chromo I could paint than e’er was seen in Rome; I'd make the shade of Milton faint, if I should write a pome. As scientist I'd beat them all, invention I'd adorn; from Edison I'd take a fall, and laugh the Wrights to scorn. I know while Gregg is talking thus, just what he has in view; but he is such a cheerful cuss I wait till he gets through. I know his purpose fell and dark, I know his talk is bunk; and yet I’m such an easy mark I let him have the junk. To-day, to-morrow, he comes to borrow The hinges from my door; My new steel skillet, and meat to fill it, The hat my father wore. Unfortunate “Bloggs does fairly with his French, but he queered himself last night at the country club.”” “How so?” “Said he preferred his trousers a trifle retrousse.’’ THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE ALONE, BUT WERE THEY? comicbooks.com