Judge, 1914-08-01 · page 10 of 24
Judge — August 1, 1914 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief humorous items typical of early-20th-century satirical magazines: **Main cartoon** (top): Shows a child beneath a tree with distant Mexican landscape. The caption jokes that Mexico seems unexpectedly far away—likely referencing American assumptions about Mexico's proximity or the wanderlust of the era. **Text items** include: - A sentimental poem by Dixon Merritt about stealing melons as a youth, now tempted to repeat the misdeed - **"Unlucky"**: A joke about opals as bad-luck engagement rings (a folk superstition)—the punchline being the marriage itself was the real misfortune - **"Ticklish Topic"**: A marital misunderstanding where Colonel Gabbencackle's comment about preferring longer, fuller "skirts" is revealed to reference stockings, not clothing - **"The Greedier Man"**: A domestic quarrel joke about a nagging wife - **"Weatherproof"**: A poem suggesting Cupid's nakedness works because love exists in perpetual spring - **"Beach Belle"**: A pun contrasting "appealing eyes" with sunburned, "peeling" skin These represent typical Judge humor: domestic squabbles, puns, and mild social satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
When the sign was right and the moon was low, And the watchdog slept and the house was still, And the only sound was a gurgling rill, And the dew lay thick on the clambering weeds As the clusters clear of the crystal beads— On a night like this in the long ago, With a shimmering fear and cautious and slow, Did I make my way by the old rail fence To the straggling vines and the melons immense; Then hied me away through the lush corn rows To the bushes dense by the fresh hay mows, And I hid them safe, like a priceless boon, 'Gainst the sweltering heat of the mor- row’s noon, In these humdrum days, when the time moves slow— If the sign gets right and the moon hangs low, And the watchdog sleeps and the house stays still, And there’s no other sound but the gur- gling rill Why, I'm not too good and I’m not too old For to fare me forth with a strong heart bold, Down the shadowed way by the old rail fence To the straggling vines and the melons immense. Ms —Dizon Merritt. “Oh, dear! Unlucky Cynicus—I once knew a fellow who gave a girl an engagement ring of opals. Sillicus—Gracious! Wasn’titunlucky? Cynicus—You bet it was! She married him. A Ticklish Topic Colonel Gabbencackle—Beanbrough is in bad again. Mrs. Gabbencackle—What's wrong now? Colonel Gabbencackle—While he was discussing skirts with his wife and I didn’t know Mexico was so far away.” The Greedier Man Author’s nagging wife—I wish you got a dollar for every word you write! Irritated author—I wish I got half a cent for every word you speak! Correct Papa (concealing something in his hand) —Willie, can you tell me what it is with heads on one side and tails on the other? Willie (triumphantly) — Oh, I know! It’s a rooster on a fence! some lady friends, he was called away for a moment, and when he came back he remarked emphatically that he liked them longer and fuller. Mrs, Gabbencackle—Well Colonel Gabbencackle—It happened that during his absence the conver- sation had turned to stockings. Weatherproof Smiling Cupid naked goes— Not a stitch from head to toes; Never suffers from the chill Or the solar rays that kill. And the reason's wholly plain, 'Less I've studied him in vain: Where dear Love himself discloses, There ’tis e’er the time of roses! —John Kendrick Bangs. A Beach Belle “Vanessa has appealing eyes,’’ re- marked Pifflepunk. “Has a peeling nose just now, I no- tice,’’ commented Skinker-Skaggs. THE SPEE-DEMON-EATER More! comicbooks.com