Judge — July 11, 1914 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

From a Sinner’s Diary GOOD groceryman scraped his salt A barrel so I could eat celery coming home the other night. Is two hills of celery too much on an empty stomach— empty but for a slice of pressed beef, an orange, a crokinoie, a soda with choco- late in and five graham crackers? Since pa put a cement floor in her cel- lar, and put it on edge so when she upsets apanof milk it can run off and not have to be sopped up, ma wouldn’t trade him for anybody's man in all the region roundabout. I asked my preacher how she'd like being a 250-pound angel. She said she never thought she wanted to be an arch- angel. Wasn't that pretty cute for a preacher? I’ve got a cousin that weighs almost two hundred, and he has to wear his over- coat before the ladies, his pants choke him so. When he rides the cultivator and fastens the teeth up, the neckyoke takes the horses by their chins and swings them around in the air, no corn getting trampled. My neighbor has had a ‘phone put in, and believing they're liable to go off in such an hour as ye think not, he had it pat out in the tool house. He don’t care about knowing when any one calls him, but if kicky horses break any more of his boys, he wants to be able to get a doctor to mend them while he knows where the pieces belong. For three years I've tried to get a piece printed, no paper discovering it was cute. It’s about wheat, and it must be raining. Now it’s quit raining, so I must store it in a shoe box another year. It's a dandy, too. It says: ‘‘Some folks have been visiting us. They were sur- prised, they confessed. They expected ps wouldn’t say a word to them and that I went into fits the minute I couldn’t And they'd heard I have my own way. Never Met the Fright “Were you nervous on your weddin day, my dear?”’ % . “Yes, and I never shall forget the fright I got that day!" “I don’t think I ever met your hus- yand.’” Another dessert delight. INAS ans € 78, NDORA y TAI Vz" a Fiuce Susan WER Ww AY ¥ our 6c ZS > sy CEOS OS NS ¢ ve as WZ = aa N THESE incomparable sweets are the most universally popular of all dessert confections. at dinner, afternoon tea or any social gathering, Nabisco Sugar Wafers are equally delightful and appropriate. In ten-cent tins; also in twenty-five-cent tins, ADORA Wafers of pleasing size and form with a bountiful confectionery filling. Another help to the hostess. In ten-cent tins. NATIONAL ABISCO Whether served BISCUIT was boyish. Then to have pa walk right up and shake hands and tell them he didn’t have any wheat—he wished he hadn’t seeded so he could have plowed it up—and now it was raining so he couldn't save it (when there wasn't any) just as anybody would, and to find me bossed around by the whole of them and a per- fect lady! Brother had been giving us a setting out, it seems. But that’s all right. When nothing is expected, I can live up to it.’’ Mrs, Pember says we ought to have good weather long enough so the farmers could get their hay down, anyway. Then they could be working at it and feel better. Boys like girls that scare, and girls like to have boys chase them with snakes and that. I don’t know how to squeal and run, so nobody’s ever chased me. Oh, dear! If I'm to begin Over There where I leave off Here, I want to evaporate while I’m on the peak, not roll down the other side into the rain barrel of stale water fit only to hatch wigglers. —Lynette Freemire. The Modern Suitor O#, I SHALL not search for beauty, Nor for sympathetic eyes, Nor for what they call a ‘‘cutie,’’ Nor for winners—otherwise. For I’m simple—oh, so simple !— And it matters not to me If she have or not a dimple. Love is blind—I shall not see. But, I pray, ye gods escort me (I am losing hope alone) To a dame who can support me In a style I’ve never known! —Jane Burr. comicbooks.com