Judge, 1914-07-11 · page 12 of 24
Judge — July 11, 1914 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century American society: **Top cartoon**: "Suggestion to 'Hold-Up' Men" satirizes both criminals and the new motion picture industry by suggesting robbers use film equipment to avoid police interference—a joke about cinema's novelty and perhaps police ineffectiveness. **Other sketches mock**: - Marital infidelity and materialism ("Poor Jack," where a woman values alimony over love) - Legal pomposity (a lawyer's success measured by loud objections, not actual skill) - Women's fashion trends (barely-there dresses requiring only "filmy lace" and powder) - Courtship games and deception - Marriage itself (the "sound advice" about marrying old maids assumes they're more obedient) The humor relies on period-specific references: automobiles as status symbols, emerging cinema, Edwardian women's liberation anxieties, and cynicism about law and romance. The overall tone is conservative social commentary disguised as humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SUGGESTION TO “HOLD-UP” MEN Use a moving picture outfit, thereby avoiding all possible chance of interference from the police. That smile warmed the soul of Hendrick, who took heart and was glad, convinced that he should win her enthusiasm yet. As they started out the next evening to a social function in this wonder- ful machine, Mrs. Van Ilden exclaimed with a joy that newly delighted her hus- band. But her admiration had really been in- spired by the chauffeur, as an elopement later revealed. POOR JACK Flora—So it's all off between you and Jack? Dora—Yes. T had to give him up, poor fellow! awfully fond of him, too; but you know he never could afford to pay me the alimony I've been accustomed to getting, Proof Positive Stranger—Why is Jones conceded to be the leading lawyer in this vicinity? Local resident—Why, mister, Jones can holler “I object !’’ louder than any other man in these parts. Progressive Penelope Larry—Did I understand you to say Percival and Penelope are estranged? Laura—Yes, Larry—But I saw her buy- ing a hammock to-day. Laura—Little schemer! I'll just wager she is planning & get-together meeting! Crimes the Law Sanctions Killing time. Hanging pictures. Stealing bases. Shooting the chutes. Choking off a speaker. Running over a new song. Smothering a laugh. Setting fire to a heart. Knifing a performance. Murdering the English lan- guage. Apropos [Apropos of the presentcanty apparel of the weaker sexy #0 called, with apologies to Radyard Kipling, and cere apologies to the shade of The party frock she wore Was nothing much before Anda little less than half of that behind; For a bit of filmy lace And some powder for her face Was all the dance equipment she could find. —John H. Burns. Sound Advice “*Young man, always wed an old maid,’’ admonitorily said Deacon Teeters, who, having married and buried five helpmeets, spoke from the depths of profound expe- rience. ‘‘Girls are often hoity-toity, wid- ows are apt to be high and mighty, but old maids are generally meek and thank- ful and anxious to please.”’ Locomotion “Her dress,’’ said one of the men, look- ing at her as she went past, ‘‘is so awk- ward she can hardly walk.’” “And yet her complexion,"’ replied the other, ‘‘which is much tighter and thicker, is running.” comicbooks.com