Judge — June 20, 1914 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

From a Sinner’s Diary "D LIKE to take ten or a dozen people I Llike and go off and be a hermit. If 1 ever do, I'll have a patent peephole, and when anybody knocks, I’ll survey, and maybe they Il get in, and maybe they won't. It works all right without, if I happen to see who's coming. Brother was leading the colt in by the mane, and I said, “Don’t you go with him, baby. I’ve got some appos,”’ in the same tone I do when I have apples; and in spite of brother she pulled away, like a clown horse, till she could see if I had apples. You wouldn’t like to hear what he called both of us then. I'll give her some ap- ples to-morrow for that. Some hens are riddling my strawberry patch. But what can you do when they’re your own? 1 know a clairvoyant who does a brisk business. She always tells the wemen they're going to lose their men,ahd get the right ones! It’s only when death is on our track that we can have what we (used to) want. I know a hired girl who saw some elec- tric lights once, and now she won't clean lamps. The other night a boy got up and saw what he thought was an owl in a tree. He called ‘‘pa,’” who pronounced it an owl. So they shot it. It was one of “ma’s’ big pullets! They buried it silently. I saw a man filling out a tax schedule that had been sent him. He was saying exactly what any one would say who had something to tax. Brother has been married a week, and if, Little Sister holds out another week like she’s begun, I'm going to change my will. She sweeps every day. There's a great shaking of rugs going on this min- ute. She can make cookies that don’t pop clear across the house when you break them to stick in your coffee. She can drop a lump of dumpling dough the size of a hazelnut into a kettle of hen juice, and it swells up like a toy balloon. There are lace curtains in the front room a’ready, the sewing machine is dusted, and the pin tray lolls on an asbestos mat. Pillows are standing everywhere, with such mot- toes as this tattooed across their honest faces: ‘‘One by One the Airships Fall,’’ “One by One the States Go Dry.’’ There are no seams to be seen anywhere, but all is shine and ting-a-ling-ling. It neither bothers nor pleases me. I'm above it. Ma says I don’t amount to any more than aman; that instead of wanting to wait on three or four men, I want three or four women waiting on me. Lynette Feeemire, Exception “A cause must be productive of effect. ’ This dictum the litigious should reject; For courts abound with such voracious maws, That all effects are swallowed in one cause. —Geo. B. Morewood, “No Fun”, Says He, “Unless You Wear B. V. D.” et the full fun out of your vacationin B. V. D. If you’re cool, work shady side. In B. V. D. you belong to the “J Won't Worry Club”. Join right away, and you'll look at life through rose-colored glasses, with a quip on your lip and a song in your heart. By the way, remember that @//““Athletic” Underwear is #0¢ B.V.D. is play, and either side of the road is the For your own welfare, fix the B.V.D. Red Woven Label in your mind and make the salesman show it to you. Ifhe can't or won't, walk out! On every B. V. D, Undergarment is sewed ‘This Red Woven Label BEST RETAIL TRADE (Trade Mart Reg. U.S. Pat, Of, and Fersign Countries) 8.V. D. Coat Cot Undershirts and Koee Length, Drawers, $e, 7$c, $1.00 and $1.50 the Gar ment. B. V. D. Union Suits (Pat. U.S. A. 4-30-07) $1.00, $1.50, $2.00, $3.00 and $5.00 the Suit The B. V. D. Company, New York. London Selling Agency: 66, AMermanbury, E. C. THREE STYLES— 1K OR LISLE SHI Adjusts itself to any posture—comfortable, durable. . ‘Ash your dealer i! be as’, we wi gentle character. SHIRT GARTER CO. Snug Shirt— | Trim Socks | ear S’ cleanses thoroughly, soothing and freshening the skin. GAR Pears’ is pure soap of Columbia, Tenn. | Sold everywhere, comicbooks.com