Judge — June 13, 1914 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Two of a Kind, but Different HERE was a bunch of them in the _ hotel office, passing the conversa- tion around promiscuously, as strangers thrown together will do, and it finally centered on two who seemed to have the colloquial punch more highly developed than the others. all business men, most of them drummers, and they were talking on the sub- ject nearest their pocket- books. “‘Well,’’ said one of the two, “I'm a merchant, and I believe in advertising. I have the biggest store in my town, carrying the largest stock of goods ever offered there, and I do more business than all the rest of them put together. And I do it because I let the public know my goods are the best, my prices the lowest, my clerks the most efficient, my cus- tomers get better treatment than else- where, and that everything I have for sale is exactly as represented and no others are so good. I do not hesitate to state frankly that people get more for their money at my store than anywhere else in town, and that I cannot be under- sold by any competitor. I keep no shop- worn stuff, and every article on my shelves or in my showcases is the very latest and best in its line, and customers cannot do as well in the city as they can do right at home if they deal with me. That's the kind of a merchant I am, and satisfac- tion is guaranteed or money refunded. Y’understand?”” “Shake!"’ said the other, sticking out his flipper cordially. ‘When a man has got the best thing, I admire to see him STARTLING THE MINISTER Willie (trying to speak appropriately to the minister) —For heaven's sake pass the butter! They were, THE NEW “ ABOVEBOARD,” POR BASE OF REPAIR, RECOMMENDS ITSELP willing to say so, That's the kind of a manlam. I am the editor and owner of &@ newspaper in my town, and I not only have the largest circulation there, but I have more than all the others combined, and when a subscriber puts his name on my list, he knows he will get more good reading than if he subscribed for all my contemporaries, As for advertisers, I claim without fear of successful contra- diction that my circulation spreads over a wider field than any or all of my con- temporaries dare claim, and my paper is a household word in every family in my town and county. Every advertisement is read as carefully and with as keen in- terest as the highest- class reading matter in the paper—we print only the best by the best—and my prices, considering my vastly superior circulation, are far below those of any of my rivals. As an advertiser, you know what that means."" The first speaker said he did, and the two shook hands again, drew apart from the bunch, and presently drifted out of sight toward the bar. “Who the deuce are they?’’ inquired one of the remainder. “Aw, say, don’t you know them yet?" responded a party who had not been hav- ing much to say. ‘‘One is the advertise- ment liar, and the other is the circulation liar. I’m in the business, and I never heard of a town so small, if it had a newspaper in it, that didn’t have at least two, and the big places have more, ac- cording to size."’"—William J. Lampton. A Page from History HE Greeks were entering Troy in the wooden horse. “More daring than entering with a wooden head,’’ they explained. Thus they took a crack at future am- bassadors. Poor Man Speaketh They often speak of women thus: “They cannot throw a stone." then, The looks the charmers cast at us! And, oh, the marks they make of men! A Good Match “T never could see,” growled the man with the dyspeptic look, ‘why fond moth- ers clamor for a yood match for their daughters. A good match is nothing but a stick with a head on it.”” But, comicbooks.com