Judge — June 6, 1914 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

alleviate family friction with soft soap was destined to become a door mat for her husband's feet."’ “Precisely what my own mother thought,’ asserted Mrs. Gray. ‘‘She said that when John grew belligerent, I must beat the call to quarters and sum- mon the reserv. to join the colors. Peace, in her opinion, could *be maintained only by being always prepared for war.’’ “Well, how did you manage?”’ asked Myrtice discouragedly. Mrs. Gray laughed softly. ‘‘I mixed ‘em. When your father complained that the meat was tough, I answered that I was sorry I couldn’t buy two-inch porterhouse out of a round-steak allowance. If he growled about the rapidity with which Tommy kicked through his shoes, I would soothe him by calling attention to the fact that our daughters were unusually easy on shoe leather. Then I reminded him that hé wasn’t satisfied with three girls—he must have a son. “During the earlier years of our married life,’’ mused Mrs. Gray, ‘‘your father sometimes flew into a tantrum and stormed so that ordinary measures were useless. But I never failed to quiet him by whispering, ‘Hush! If you wake the baby, you will have to walk the floor with her.’ That was a long time ago, but you notice that he still walks on tiptoe and speaks gently.’’ Myrtice sighed with vast re- lief as she cuddled against the maternal bosom. ‘‘Then your advice is’’—— Mother smiled serenely. “Trust in tact—and keep up your jiu jitsu.” Compromise Fond hubby (starting down- town)—What will it be, love— flowers or candy? Wifie—We’ll compromise, dear. You can send both. . Returning Fashion ‘What would you say to the bustle?” “Get thee behind me, Satan!’’ Miscalculation Anna—Was she thinking of adding that foreigner to her list of lovers? Bella—Yes; but she lost her count. CASTLES IN THE AIR The Roseate Honeymoon WE ALL, of course, deplore divorce; But men are much to blame. When they conclude the honeymoon, They never are the same. They're charming on the honeymoon And always on the jump To please a wife; but later life Sees a decided slump. The honeymoon is one long whirl Of rapture. Sakes alive! You cannot really blame a girl For wanting four or five. —Wm. S. Adkins. Welcome Words Muriel (after the fifth solo)— Professor Ronetickler can make a piano fairly talk, can't he? Waverly (suppressing a yawn) —I wish he'd try to make it say “‘good-night.’” No Man Can Understand : A woman's love for the ballot. A woman's love. A woman. A girl’s love for styles. A girl’s love. A girl. The Average Gardener One day in May, old Mr. Doyle Said, ‘Now I'll make things grow! I don’t object to garden toil, Although 1’m rather slow In starting in to hoe the soil, For I hate to soil the hoe!" Money in It “How is it you find so many things to shock you?” “My boy,’ replied the social uplifter, ‘I’ve gone into this thing as a business, and I must find them."’ It Often Happens So There was a young lady named Meta, So sweet, a man said he could eata; But when they married, Her feelings he harried And beata and beata and beata. comicbooks.com