Judge — May 30, 1914 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Fable of Alex and Polly EARLY one morning Alexander the Flatbush Dweller left his Kings County Bungalow with half his Break- fast in a Paper Bag, in order to catch the seven- three Train for the City of Light, where Alex earned his Bread. While he was not due at the Office until nine o’clock, experience taught him that it was wise to give himself plenty of Time when traveling from this remote suburb to the Center of Trade in which he labored daily, and whence he returned for a Little Sleep. Although Alex was in a Hurry, he stopped to interview a Green Parrot, perched outside of a Bird Fancier’s Shop. “Polly want a Cracker?” asked Alex. “Nix on that!’ replied the Bird. Gimme a Banana!” ‘Alex was astonished at the Parrot’s Sagacity, because he really carried a Bag of Bananas, said Fruit being not only Filling, but also susceptible of Consumption while on the March—two very important Factors so far as the Commuter is concerned. Alex dug down into his Bag and selected a piece of Fruit that had died en route from the Tropics and was now in the last stages of Dissolution. “Here you are, pretty Poll!’ said he. ‘*Enjoy yourself !’’ He watched the Bird eat the inside of the Fruit and throw the Skin on the Sidewalk. Then he suddenly recollected that he had an Engagement to slave nine hours in New York that day, so he raced feverishly for the Train and squeezed himself on the Platform, where he hung figuratively by his Eyelids. There was plenty of room in the Third Car back, but, of course, the Coach in which Alex rode would get to New York first. That Evening Alexander wended his way Homeward with a Heavy Heart. It was Wednesday, and he knew that his Wife’s Mother was expected to Dinner, and a three-hour Gab-Fest with a Bossy old Pelican was a fearful prospect. All day long he had brooded over the Ordeal, until he felt sure be was the unluckiest Human Check Book in Flatbush. So great was his Self-Pity, that the Sacrifice of the Christian Martyrs looked | tohim like a Church Picnic compared with his own Deep Sorrow. Just as he was inserting his Latch Key and regretting that he had not sent himself a Telegram of Condolence, his Better Half sud- denly opened the Door, her Face pale and tear-stained. “Good Heavens!’’ exclaimed Alex. ‘‘What’s the Matter?” “Oh, Alex,’’ sobbed his Wife, ‘‘a terrible Thing has happened! My poor Mother—who w-w-was to—to—dine with us to-night’’. “She isn’t dead?’’ broke in Alexander anxiously. “No; but’’—— “{ thought not,’’ said he dejectedly. “She—she,'’ continued Mrs. A. tearfully, ‘‘slipped down—on —her way here—this—this—Morning—on a Banana Peel—in front of the Bird Store, and—and—broke her Ankle.’’ “On a Banana Peel!’ echoed Alexander. ‘‘Oh, this is Terrible !"’ Meanwhile, he shed great Tears of Joy in his Bandanna and Made Mental Calculations on the possible cost of a Carload of perfectly good Parrots. “Yes,"’ added his Wife brokenly; ‘‘and they brought her here in the Ambulance, and’’—— “‘Here?"’ gasped the shocked Alexander. . “Yes; she’s Upstairs with t-two Trained Nurses, and the— D-Doctor says It'll be a M-Month before we dare move her, and I had to give her Our Room; so—so—you will have to go and get your Dinner at the Delicatessen store—I’m so upset—and—and you'll have to sleep in the Wood-Woodshed.’’ Moral—Worry is a Bee Hive; Kick at it, and you're sure to start Something Real. —M. Ss. “Can that Brooklyn stuff! The Enthusiast While the golf season’s open, he thinks He needs but to sleep forty winks; From springtime to fall He's addressing the ball, And they say that he lives on the links. The Aristocrat of Cigarettes RAMESES Largest Selling 20c Cigarette AN wile I “Summer Breezes’’ By VALENTIN NDBERG By W. D, GOLDBECK You may not care for flowers, but, real- ticular type of “daisy” will your heart every time you look When the mercury hovers around the century mark this is guaranteed to cool + your fevered brow, The picture, in full color x 12—Wou- — W send a copy of this picture in ble mounted on heavy white full color — 9'x 12 — double mat—I1 x 14—ready to frame, 5c mounted on heavy white mat 95 willbe sentfor ss. wes =x He-ready 10 frame. LOC SPECIAL LIMITED OFFER We will send either of the, you for 2c a copy, or both Breezes” and “For She's My also a Judge Art P bove pictures to cial effet JUDGE, 225 Fifth Ave., New York comicbooks.com