Judge, 1914-05-02 · page 26 of 41
Judge — May 2, 1914 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical advertisement mocking early 1900s consumer culture and changing attitudes toward marriage. The piece uses automotive language to describe wives as replaceable commodities—comparing a "1914 model" wife to trading in an old car. The satire targets wealthy husbands who discard aging first wives for newer, fashionable models to display their success. The anonymous author ("Fra Channing Pollock") employs absurdist humor: describing wives' "depreciation," "maintenance costs," and features like "mountable hair" and "propensity to skid." The joke exposes the dehumanization of women in materialistic society and the era's disturbing practice of discarding spouses. By treating matrimony as consumer goods exchange, the piece criticizes both shallow modernism and men who value appearance and status over loyalty or genuine partnership. The accompanying advertisements (Egyptian cigarettes, Apollinaris water, Pepsin gum) underscore the page's consumerist themes—everything is for sale, including, satirically, wives.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Spirit of the Times Being an Advertisement Written for the American Oughto Exchange By FRA CHA ING POLLOCK N THESE days of rapid progress and universal demand for the best and Ste nD. most modern, the discriminating: husband Cigarettes ‘ no longer thinks of keeping a wife unti] i Abe > she becomes obsolete or outworn, Ex. ted perienced husbands understand the wis. E dom of turning in the old wife in trade for one of newer design. Why cling t an out-of-date helpmate, when at smal] trouble and expense she may be exchanged for a 1914 model? How many husbands continue to drive wives that have seen hard service ang that, whatever their homely usefulness, do not conform to the newest styles? Sometimes the machinery remains jp good condition, but the body is sure to show wear. The wife obtained at the beginning of a career is not likely to present an appearance commensurate with the owner’s development. Every man owes it to himself to discard his first choice and obtain a wife that attests position and can be shown to his friends e with pride. Md The old wife probably was not built for looks or speed. She was not designed for modern conditions and does not stand up under the strain of fast travel in the “THE QUEEN OF TABLE WATERS. cabaret or tango parlor. The general cost of maintenance may be somewhat less, but an exchange cuts down the item the safe and of repairs and involves very little initial expense. ti f . drink Any wife deteriorates just so much in satisfying drink. wag nit tena won then, to suffer this loss on a new and beautiful model rather than on an old and shabby one. With the new model, of course, comes complete and up-to-date equipment, warranted to last at least This season’s model has a long, slim bod; with the popular streamline. It is ele- gantly finished, heavily varnished—espe- cially with regard to exposed parts— richly upholstered and fitted with de- mountable hair. The weight is less than ever before, a maximum of power being combined with a minimum of fuel con- sumption. Smooth running, self-starting, electric lighted, practically noiseless, equipped with silent exhaust and capable of taking any hill on high speed, the im- proved 1914 is calculated to run and go on running, so that the owner hardly knows he has a wife. The transmission and reciprocation of the new model are admittedly inferior to that of the old, and there is no disposi- tion to deny her propensity to skid. For heavy use and practical service she may fal by using Abbett? 8 eta In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated comicbooks.com