Judge — April 4, 1914 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A New Profession THE WORK of Congress has been ma- terially simplified of late, it is said, by a newly developed professional class who may be called profes- sional testifiers. Inorder properly and agreeably to kill time, it is necessary for congressmen to make @ great many investiga- tions and hold a great many hearings on vari- ous subjects. For this ae work there is never any dearth of congressmen, of course; but it began to happen that there weren’t enough men with sufficient interest in or knowl- edge of a subject to waste their time testifying at these hearings. Then there sprang up to meet this de- mand a more or less select coterie who are willing to testify anywhere at any time on any subject. This permits hear- ings to stretch out interminably, enables congressmen to sit, smoke and grow fat while giving an imitation of being busy, and causes the reports of committees to be so voluminous and uninteresting that everybody will assume they contain im- portant facts without going to the trou- ble of finding cut what those facts may be. Congressional sidestepping may not yet be an exact science, but it is pro- gressing. If at First You Don’t Succeed THis is what was asked among other things at a New Thought wedding the other day: Do you solemnly vow to the great God con sciousness within you, which permeates the entire universe, to live under the law of har- mony and to displace in your life all inharmo- nies, no matter from what source they may De diy eee: ns T AN UNSUCCESSYUL EASTER PARADE O R I arise, as quickly as you may:recognize their Prescence, and that you will renew this vow 3 often as it may be broken? Heigho! If that’s New Thought, how does it differ from the old? What this couple promised is about the same as what everybody else promises, all but the words, They promise to live together as amicably as possible, to get over dis- agreement as quickly as possible, and to try to do better the next time and the next time and the next time. In fact, the elasticity of the promise is amazing, although the divorce courts show that it sometimes breaks. We have a right to expect something new, besides words, from New Thought —something like this, say: ‘‘That we will renew this vow as often as it may be broken, provided it isn’t broken too often, in which case we shall look the in- harmonious incompatibility squarely in the face and try no further to cement the unassimilable indissolubly.’”’ The frequent efforts to strengthen the marriage tie by adding promises couched in high-flown language do not appear not- ably successful. We should like to see a few marriages tried in which practically nothing is promised, but in which much ted is fulfilled. When the daily trials and tribulations come, the hardest thing to remember are the words that were in- toned at the altar. A Stealth STEALTH is employed by criminals and those who apprenend criminals by those who love, who are loved and who want tobe loved; by hus- bands when they come ( \ home late at night, and (' by wives when they try lo, to find out where their SOx a husbands have been; by SS catawhenthey catchiaice | s and when they raid the 77% pantry. a Sealth is a means used to accomplish an end and is frequently the end of the user’s accomplishments, Many a man uses stealth because he can- not use gray matter. Many things may be done by stealth and by night which could not be done openly without real cerebration, Stealth may be divided into two classes, courageous stealth and cowardly stealth. Courageous stealth is legitimate in many cases, where end justifies means. Cow- ardly stealth, which usually creeps up and strikes a blow or throws a@ sandbag, is something else again. Snap Judgments F THE reports from the Alabama sena- torial race are correct, Alabuma will take Hobson's choice for Senator and the country will retain an unusually able leader of the House of Representatives. fa) About this time Carranza and Caramba are beginning to sound very much alike. 5 Every newspaper printed the fact that Peru exiled its President, and yet not one of them asked, Did the Peruvian bark? comicbooks.com