Judge — April 4, 1914 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HOTEL MARLBOROUGH Broadway, 36th to 37th St., New York. This famous hotel has been entirely remodelled and refurnished, up to date in every appointment, and can now be compared favorably with any hotel in the city. It has the most the Pennsylva nvenient location, being within five minutes from ~Y. Central Stations, within a few seconds of $1 Additic os Uns sed i iat roy hoa Visit Our World Famous Rathskeller. New York City. BEEMAN’S PEPSIN GUM All Others are Imitations The Original. Peppermint or Wintergreen Flavor FOR SALE EVERYWHERE In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. Idle Notes Confirming a Rumor (Atter Landor) oe FTEN have I heard it said That her lips are ruby red’ And I know the rumor’s true, For, let me confess to you, I'm the drug clerk in the place Where this maid ot bonny face, Quite unknown to kin or kith, Buys the stuff she paints them with! In matiers of love we are all aviators! The man who doesn't go up in the air when his best girl looks at him isn't worth his salt. We should all be delighted over the de. creased size of the new banknotes. We can now carry two or three hundred five. dollar bills in our weskit pockets without that annoying bulge that has vexed us s in the past. It may take nine tailors to make aman, but one dressmaker can unmake him is just seventeen minutes, with a little help from his wife. Bildad wishes us to say that a hunting friend of his walked fifty-seven miles up in Maine last month to shoot a bear, to find on his arrival at the scene of action that it was a Camembert. We'll say it to oblige Bildad, but it’s a pretty cheesey joke, just the same. A Dazghtcr of the Revolution He married a wife! He married a wife! And she was a D. A. R. But after a week of new-wedded life He judged from the style of his daily strife That she took after her pa, Her pa, Yes, she took after her pa! It was a bad sailor who revised the proverb that ‘‘everything that goes up must come down,"’ so that it read ‘‘every- thing that goes down must come up.” Mother Goose Revised There was a man in our town Who was so wondrous wise He turned a motor salesman down Because he simply couldn’t afford to buy a car, and didn’t propose to mort- gage his house or give the company a six months’ note to pay for the darned old machine, . We have just been reading a book called “British Popular Customs,’’ but were very much disappointed not to find any- thing in it referring to their most popular custom of all, that of kicking like thun- der and getting generally grouchy every time they are licked in any kind of an athletic contest. They have discovered a man over in England who makes a living furnishing plots for novelists, but that is not new in principle. There are half a dozen cor porations not far from this office who are prepared to furnish plots for anybody, with receiving vault privileges thrown in as well. —Horace Dodd Gastit. ald insist that Abbott's : ert pv.) comicbooks.com