Judge, 1914-03-28 · page 12 of 24
Judge — March 28, 1914 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes gender relations and marriage through contrasting "how to treat a man" advice directed at different types of women. The main cartoon shows a man wielding a magical lamp (referencing Aladdin), conjuring chaos—visualizing his power when women comply with his wishes. The text presents four female archetypes with biting irony: 1. **The meek wife**—accepts servitude without compensation 2. **The coquette**—manipulates through seduction, then traps him in marriage 3. **The average woman**—treats him like livestock requiring maintenance 4. **The suffragette**—demands male subordination The man's own perspective concludes resignedly: women now rule ("This is the Age of Women"), his preferences irrelevant. The sidebar jokes mock courtship time-limits and colonial pretension. The final cartoon references a woman suspecting her chicken is old/spoiled—implying men are similarly "worn goods." The overall satire critiques both traditional male entitlement and emerging feminist assertiveness, presenting marriage as mutually adversarial rather than cooperative.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ALADDIN AND HIS WONDERFUL LAMP How to Treat a Man HE meek wife—Be his doormat when his feet are muddy; and when they are once more clean, crawl out of the way that he may not stumbleoveryou. Bear his sorrows for him, share your joys with him—if he will con- descend to partake of them—and other- wise discharge the duties of the silent partner of the firm. But never ask for any of the profits. Accept gratefully the moiety which he is pleased to bestow upon you, for he owes you nothing. Is it not sufficient that he has given you his name and the right to cook and scrub for him; that he allows you to bask in the warmth of his smile when his tummy and con- science are untroubled, and to listen awe- struck to the thunder of his wrath when ° the lobster pinches? What more could a woman ask? The coquette—Tease him, tantalize him, encourage, rebuff him. Hold up your puckered mouth, and when he tries to kiss it, slap his face, Take him in your aeroplane and lift him into the heavens, that he may be able to appreciate hell when you drop him. Do not mind if he suffers. His misery will end where yours begins—with marriage. Do not marry until you are too old and weary to play the game. For marriage is the curtain that ends the play. The average woman—Take care of the brute. Feed him, curry him. See that his harness is mended and that he is com- fortably bedded—or he will not be able to work. Teach him to save his money, else you will have none to spend. Be a wife to him when he happens to need one, and a tireless automaton the rest of the time. Be judiciously affectionate. He will pretend to be mildly bored when you want to sit on his lap, but if you leave it vacant he will feel justified in subletting the place to some other woman. The suffragette—Teach him where he belongs, which is three paces to your rear. If he objects to becoming your trainbearer, swat him. The man himself—I, of course, have ideas‘as to how I should like to be treated; but what is the use of stating them? I have had my day. This is the Age of Women. Selah. —Terrett Love Holliday. HAS There's a Time Limit ee WHILE you were standing in the doorway, telling the sweet young thing goodnight, did it ever dawn upon you’’—— “Oh, no! I never stayed that late.” Bound in Morocco “Listen to this: ‘The Emperor of Mo- rocco includes in his suite thirty Keepers of the Imperial Umbrella.’"” “Umph! I'll bet he’s come into con- tact with some of the fellows down at our office."” HER DOUBTS Mrs. Johnsing (dining out)—Any freight trains been stalled near here lately, Susie? Mrs, Jackson—Not dat Ah knows ob, Melindy. Why? Mrs, Johnsing—Why, dis ar chicken tastes to me jest like cold storage fowl. comicbooks.com