Judge — February 28, 1914 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The star act on every Bill (of fare) is an OLD I. W. HARPER] WHISKEY all, 1! \t the best, ord Bernheim Distilling Co. Louisville, Ky. HOTEL ALBERT 11TH STREET AND UNIVERSITY PLACE One Block West of Broadway NEW YORK CITY Close to Wholesale and Retail Dry Goods Districts, Railroad and Steamship Lines MODERN ABSOLUTELY FIREPROOF 300 Rooms (200 with Bath) RATES $1.00 PER DAY UP Excellent Restaurant and Cate Moderate Prices Send tor tree illustrated Guide and Map of New York City soft, rich whisk ofan old vint Bottled = Old fashioned dis inBond = Allation—ripenad by & only. PEBBLEFORD Old Fafhioned Quality Kentucky Bourbon CLEAR SPRING DISTILLING CO., BOURBON, NELSON COUNTY, KY. From a Sinner’s Diary A IS the kind of a fellow that wants wads of long grass left around in sundry and divers places in the lawn to wipe his rubber boots on. Mais a woman who'd rather learn a new crazy stitch than see Niagara Falls. How I hate dogs! Most every place I go one meets me at the gate and cuts curves around me all the way to the house, treeing imaginary coons on my shoulder and holing woodchucks in my pocket. If one don’t meet me the second the door opens, he souses out and trips meup. Last summer one bit me and tore my stocking off. I asked the woman if she had any camphor; she said she had varnish, Myron said that reminded him of how a man broke the silence, once, at his house. It seems the man supposed the head of the stairs to be where it wasn’t. They could hear him feeling carefully along, and Myron raised up to warn him, but his brother stuck an elbow into him, saying, ‘‘Sh-h!’? So Myron dropped back and listened. Pretty soon they heard him drop off, scratching along down the plas- tering with his finger nails as he went. A barrel of flour, a basket of dirty clothes, and seven table leaves took after him. It seemed as if things would never quit fall- ing. Then begun a hurried feeling for pardners to see who was missing. Di- rectly the man’s wife said, ‘It’s Aaron! Why don’t you answer?’ Aaron was wedged in, feet in the air, covered with flour from Genesis to Revelations, and refused to be comforted. Once when she preached at the school- house my preacher told about some one asking her-—- HER—to go to a dance. Everybody turned around and snickered at me. I tried to look as if I'd never heard it before. After meeting I asked asister that didn’t know me very well, “What wretch do you suppose asked that preacher to go to a dance?’’ Her eyes stuck out and she snapped, ‘Some low- lived thing that didn’t know any better!”’ “It was me.’’ Then if you ever saw a saint wither up and a sinner swell out! Besides, I’d played for a dance at this same sister’s house during one of her back-slipping spells, when her liver got out of whack. If I had such faith as that I'd take off my hat to a sinner that stood by his party, wouldn’t you? I know a man with whom you've got to agree a haystack to the southwest is a snowshed to the northwest or you're billed for trouble. I know a woman who won't name any more of her young ones beginning with the letter ‘‘M,’’ because a neighbor said it stood for a thousand. Uncle Jasper, the white cat, has gone to sleeping in a hen’s nest. I'm going to give him some eggs to hatch and see if he'll own em. —Lynette Freemire. GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER “Its Purity Has Made It Fam 50c. per case of 6 glass stoppered bottles.(44y.} EN HOTEL IMPERIAL Broadway and 32d Street, New York Dancing in the Palm Garden Daily (except Sunday) From 4 to 6.30 P. M. and 10 P. M. to 1, under the supervision of Mr. G. Hep burn Wilson, M. B., whose assistants are present to dance with guests upon request. SSeS Reg. U. S. Pat. Of, Hair Tonic A health-giving dressing to the scalp. Prevents dandruff and ‘fall. ing of the hair. Gets right down to the root and gives just the necessary stimulation needed to keep the hair in perfect condition, Send 10c for trial size CHESEBROUGH MFG. COMPANY Consolidated 1734 State Street HOTEL EARLINGTON 27th Street, West of Broadway , NEW YORK New York EUROPEAN PLAN QA Step from Broadway. q Absolutely Fireproof. Quiet as a Village at Night. q Your Comfort Our Aim Always. Parlor, Bedroom and Bath, front of house, ‘one person, $2.50; two people, $3.50. Why pay more when our service is equalled only by the best? i : | SINGLE ROOMS, $1.00 | E,W. WARFIELD, - ~ Manager In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com s