Judge, 1914-02-21 · page 14 of 24
Judge — February 21, 1914 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine *Judge* contains several humorous pieces mocking early 20th-century social conventions: **"Who Laughs Last"** contrasts medieval romance (bold knights abducting maidens) with modern courtship, suggesting contemporary suitors lack courage—they "hesitate" rather than act decisively. **"A Primer Lesson"** ridicules newly graduated surgeons who affect an intimidating, savage demeanor to impress bystanders, despite everyone already knowing they're dangerous due to their inexperience. **"Fastidious?"** presents a woman rejecting a suitor for being simultaneously too young and too old—an impossible standard implying women's unreasonable pickiness. The various **epigrams** and **Uncle Fogy's Philosophy** sections offer cynical observations on marriage, business, and human nature typical of the era's satirical humor. The page targets masculine insecurity, professional pretension, and marital dynamics—common Judge themes reflecting anxieties about modern social change.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WHO LAUGHS LAST In Time of Hesitation N DAYS of old, when knights were bold, The lover did not hesitate; But, with such zeal as brave men feel, He pounded on the castle gate. The maid was drawn behind him on The champing and impatient steed, And in the night they took their flight, Across the lonely moor or mead. But time has wrought a change, and not A bold knight now bestrides a steed; No maiden fair climbs down from where Her father has her caged, indeed! Where ragtime fills the crowds with thrills The young and old sagaciate, And there’s a slim, small chance for him Who has not learned to hesitate. —S. E. Kiser. Epigrammatic Observations Where there’s a bill there’s delay. Lots of work in the business world is dun, With the egotist it’s always a ‘‘matter of ours.”” Oftentimes we find a five-cent cigar within a ten-cent band—some men are like that, Some people observe union hours in brain work. When some people pick up the thread of discussion, they never know when to wind it up. Lots of men never have sense enough to admire a sensible woman until after they’re married. There's no use trying to bore auger holes with a gimlet. Grow to where you can handle an auger. Somehow or other, the photograph of a crooked man in a square frame doesn’t seem exactly proper. Now and then when one does the write thing it leads to a breach-of-promise suit. —D. M. Bregenzer. Uncle Fogy’s Philosophy F YOU can't see a joke, don’t blame it on the joke. The ladder of fame is adapted to almost any clime. When marriage is a failure, there are no preferred creditors. The wise husband will praise his wife occasionally, whether she deserves it or not. When the house is on fire, presence of mind is more valuable than a fire escape, and absence of body is better than either. Some men are born hypocrites, some achieve hypocrisy by long practice, and others go about shedding—yaw! haw! haw !—sunshine. People may be placed in two general classes—those who worry about their own business, and those who worry about other people’s business. A Primer Lesson EE the Young Man with the weak and scattering Whiskers. Why does he look so Grim and Savage? He wishes to impress the Innocent Bystander. Is it really necessary for him to appear like a Hypochondriacal Hyena in order to ac- complish his Purpose? No; for almost everybody is aware that he is a newly graduated Surgeon, and therefore ex- tremely Dangerous. Desperate Mamma—Do you believe, my dear, that the young man would make any sacrifice for you? Doris— Yes, indeed, mamma. He's trying to cut out his cigarettes! Those who pay as they go owe nobody a grudge. wrt fe FASTIDIOUS? He—Well, girlie, have you decided yet to marry me? She—Not yet. I'm sure you 're not young enough, and I'm afraid you 're not old enough. comicbooks.com