Judge — February 21, 1914 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Explained UPron my word, the skirt she wore Was slit from hem to waist, And, gaping, showed, I much deplore, A shapely limb incased In silken hose and filmy white, The while a rounded Qader ("ite knee is \) Peeped in and out, a shame- less sight! For all the world to see. I knew that she was young and fai Her glance, I felt, was pert. On sudden thought, I stopped her there And pointed to that skirt. In angry tones the thing I scored. She looked a bit appailed; Then, ‘Done it thlidin’ on a board Wiv Willie Smif!’’ she bawled. —E. L. Sylvester. Snap Judgments RESIDENT WILSON is a most pol- ished writer, but he occasionally ends a sentence with a preposition, and ‘‘a preposition,’’ says Lindley Murray, the great grammarian, ‘‘is a bad word to end a sentence with. If the trouble in Europe over the San Francisco Exposition doesn't end soon, it may be necessary to change the name of “‘Panama Pacific’ to something else and to drop the ‘‘Century of Peace’’ part of the show. a That philanthropist who provided that his name should be placed on every loaf of bread he donated to the poor certainly created a ‘Bread Line.’’ is) Just to show how opinions differ, Spo- kane students have organized a club for wearing a monocle, and Boston thinkers advocate a return to spanking. [s} “Many persons think there is some- thing mysterious about the work of the weather bureau in forecasting storms, frosts and floods,’’ says the bureau, in an official report. Well, not ex- actly; but they would, if it did. a If the mess tent for the Mexican federals at Fort Bliss is only big enough, there'll be no need for the stockade. College educations may not fit you for business, but, just the same, a Minnesota college professor made $50,000 a year out of Monte Carlo. is} President Wilson’s ‘‘Con- stitution of Peace’’ does not seem to have reached the Capitol yet. fa} That patient man of fig- ures who has calculated that the 1,900,- 000,000 cigars made in Pennsylvania last year would make a road from Washington to New York, ten feet wide, at least de- serves the credit of suggesting the best possible use for them. The men who went to the Futurist Ball in Covent Garden and saw ladies with “‘vermilion hair with plumes intertwined, orange complexions, purple trouserettes, with pearl buttons and ‘‘tango belts”’ also of purple, with straps in the back for the male partner to clutch,’’ must have thought it was the morning after. Not Down to Standard Persistent contributor—You are quite sure you do not want this story, then? Candid editor—Quite sure. Persistent contributor—And yet you say it is not bad, Candid editor—Excuse me. You mis- understood. The story is bad, but not bad enough. Standing Room Only Methinks the best way to describe The modern skirt we know Would be to hang upon its side ‘The placard, ‘ NOT IN ANY IMMEDIATE DANGER Parney—Your woife is sick, Mike. Is ut dangerous she is? Mike—Divil a bit. She 's too weak to be dangerous now, Incidentally Dr. RUBETINKER was a qualified M.D., but, settling in a cattle coun- try and finding the demand strong, he had added veterinary work to his other prac- tice. “‘Nothing serious,’’ announced the doc- tor, after examining a valuable bull which he had been summoned posthaste to treat. “Give him one of these powders in aquart of bran mash three times a day.”” The rancher heaved a sigh of relief. “‘Wait,”’ he said, as the M.D., V.S., was about to leave. ‘I reckon, as long as you're here, you might as well have a look at the old woman. She's been ailin’ for a month or two.’’ Transformation “‘Hymen is a great magician “Prove it!"” “See how often he turns a turtle dove into a snapping turtle.’” Unique “Upon what does Torpidville base its expectation that its name will go thun- dering down the ages?’’ “It has not asked for a Federal reserve bank.’” comicbooks.com ———