Judge, 1914-02-14 · page 14 of 24
Judge — February 14, 1914 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This *Judge* magazine page contains a serialized story titled "Advice to Bashful Young Men in Love—Propose by Phonograph," illustrated with two panels showing a wealthy man (Aynsley) seducing a woman (mademoiselle) in his luxurious home. **The Satire:** The story mocks upper-class excess and moral hypocrisy. Aynsley casually reveals he's helped his current wife elope with another man so he can marry the woman he's currently seducing—presenting infidelity and abandonment as convenient arrangements among the wealthy. The woman celebrates escaping "Cave Persons" (primitive people) who "had to kill" to get partners, congratulating herself on civilization while committing adultery. **Social Context:** This targets Gilded Age wealth disparity (the fictional "Avenue Riche" carved from Central Park) and mocks how the wealthy rationalize immoral behavior as sophistication. The page also includes unrelated humor: a taxi-beating joke and a brief piece on chivalry. These were typical *Judge* format—satirical stories mixed with short comic bits.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
opera, and the motive for its tragic cli- max. Aynsley helped her into the han- som, conferred a moment with Jehu, and they drove up Avenue Riche, a broad, magnificent way that had been carved out of Central Park to put Fifth Avenue in the second class. The cab stopped in front of Aynsley’s own palace, he helped mademoiselle out, and they entered. A discreet butler ad- mitted them. “All out?’’ Aynsley asked. “All, sir, Or abed.”’ “Is supper ready?"’ “Yes, sir. It will be served’’—— “In the crimson room,’’ interrupted Aynsley, who conducted mademoiselle to a remote quarter of the palace, touched a button, and a room in crimson and gold, fur ed as for a king, was revealed by light whose source was mysterious. ‘Wait a moment,”’ said Aynsley, hold- ing mademoiselle’s arm. Another button was touched, and the floor in the center sank, returning in a moment with a table luxuriously fur- nished for two. The butler served them. ADVICE TO BASHFUL YOUNG MEN IN LOVE—PROPOSE BY PHONOGRAPH He moved with the certitude of a ma- chine, and his face was as’ immobile as a mask. “*And this is your palace!’’ exclaimed mademoiselle, as though it had been de- scribed to her. It is yours—when you marry You are already mar- “Temporarily. Madame has eloped. I shall divorce her.’” “But was she not at the opera to- night?” “Yes. But she had planned to run away with Hugh Allard, and I helped them a bit. I knew they intended to sail on the Olympus, which perhaps at this moment is down the bay. These greater ships must wait for a favoring tide, even though the channel has been deepened. The Olympus was scheduled to leave her dock at twelve-thirty.’’ And Aynsley carelessly consulted his watch. o 8 © «© © 6 Mrs. Aynsley and Hugh Allard, late as the hour was—the night was perfect— stood at the Olympus's rail with arms about each other. “This is so much better, is it not, dear- est?’ she asked. ‘‘Surely we are more civilized than those Cave Persons !"’ “*You mean’”’. “‘Why, that you didn’t have to kill Aynsley to get me!” How To Beat the Taxi Man (at doctor’s night bell)—Doctor, how much are your charges at the house? Doctor (through speaking tube)-—-Two dollars, Man—All right. Please come at once. (As they arrive in the doctor’s automo- bile)—Here’s your fee, doctor. A taxi costs twice as much, Chivalry A gentleman a lady meets, Upon a windy day; As soon as he’s found out they’re silk, He looks the other way. A successful man is measured up by results, not by methods. comicbooks.com