Judge — January 31, 1914 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A CHARCOAL SKETCH OP NEGROES UNLOADING COAL AT MIDNIGHT Bigby felt himself losing ground and grew sulky. ‘‘I tell you,’? he doggedly insisted, ‘‘I know women!’’ “Then divide your knowledge,’” mocked Katherine. ‘Many of us do not know ourselves, But let’s see how much you doknow. Would you believe everything your wife told you?”’ “A daughter of Eve and Sapphira? Hardly!’’ “Unchivalrous!’’ charged Katherine, sotto voce. But the man who knew women could not read her dangerous smile. “If you came home and found her droop- ing, listless and almost in tears, would you put your arm tenderly about her and ask if she were ill?’" “No,’’ foolishly crowed he. ‘‘I’d un- derstand that she had been out eating in- digestible foods and losing money at bridge. I'd think that if her stomach and conscience hurt her, she needed the lesson.’’ “‘Brute!"’ was the count added to the indictment. Though her voice fairly dripped honey as she put the next ques- tion, the warning was wasted. “If some night, when you spoke of go- ing to the club, your wife urged you to go and to stay as long as you wished, would you think that she was actuated purely by wifely solicitude for your pleasure?’ “Not for a minute!’’ he sneered, rush- ing on to destruction, ‘‘I’d comprehend instantly that she couldn’t wait until morning to shock the neighbors with the gossip she had heard that afternoon.” “That will be sufficient,’’ said Kather- ine icily. ‘*You have a lot yet to learn about women, but you already know too much to be desirable 2s a husband. You could see just enough of a woman’s naked mind to make her feel ashamed. Why, she would hate you!"’ cried she hotly. ‘Then she laughed. “If you really want to marry,’’ she said, rising and extending her hand, ‘‘come around some evening when I am not busy. T’ll teach you how to love, and to make love to, a woman. That is what she wishes. She doesn’t want to be understood—too well.’” The Mother Tongue This noble English speech of ours (‘Tis noble, tho’ we oft abuse it) Is always called the mother tongue, For father gets no chance to use it. Incit A pompous country woman and her husband were trying to entera station platform through one of the porcupine exits. After several de- termined attempts, some one cried out, “Read the sign!”” The pompous lady read “Exit,’? and then said, in a loud voice, ‘‘Oh, I thought it was the incit!’’ Degeneration? Howard — My son is a headliner in vaudeville, Coward—From whom does he inherit his talent? Howard—His grandfather was Secre- tary of State. The Hallmarks of Station Roly—Is yours a select neighborhood? Poly—I should say it was! On one block we've six limousines, four Pekinese pups and one baby carriage. g g OUR “*T don’t know what to wear with my new skirt. Promoting the Janitor THEY were joint owners of an apart- ment house, and one day the junior partner sought his colleague in some trepidation. “The janitor wants ten dollars more per month, or he'll leave. I hate to give up the money, but we can’t spare him.” The senior partner disappeared and re- turned in a few moments. “It’s all right,’’ said he. ‘‘I've satis. fied him, and it didn’t cost us anything.” “‘How’s that?”’ “The janitor is now the superintend- ent."” **Good work !’’ declared the junior part- ner. ‘Sut why didn’t you make him superintendent in the first place?"’ “‘Because,’’ answered the senior mem- ber, ‘‘I knew he’d want a promotion even- tually. Every man wants a promotion some time, and, to my mind, @ good man deserves one.”” Sherlock on the Job “How do you know she is his wife?” “Didn’t you notice, when they were dancing together, that he didn’t clap his hands for an encore?’’ Always Thinking of Beauty Aids Earnest teacher—What is profile? Frivolous girl—Profile? Why, it is something in a manicure set. The habit of taking things as they come may lead to an unpleasant finale if you take them too far. LANGUAGE I've only a white waist, and it's black."* comicbooks.com