Judge — January 3, 1914 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i My Vaudeville Y VAUDEVILLE! My vaudeville! M Oh, how I long to see _ Thy countless wonders, full of thril!, | All advertised on dale and hill, From Maine to Floridee! | A model show all full of freaks i} In wonder more than rare— The sort of thing man ever seeks, | On sea, on land, o’er distant peaks, | Yet findeth seldom there: A poet who can sonnetize On lips and checks and azure eyes, Yet doth decline to use love’s thrills To pay his rent and butcher’s bills! A novelist whose volumes sell Like water in the depths of—well, ‘A “six-best-seller,”” reigning fad, Who'll utterly refuse to pad! An alderman, or thin or fat— I do not worry as to that— Who has the gift of common sense, Or every-day intelligence! A legislator of the State Who, when he strikes his final gait, Can really tell on instant sight The difference ’twixt wrong and right! A congressman from anywhere— His origin I do not care— Who would not suffer from a chill If asked t’explain the tariff bill! A walking delegate who walks And turns away from hot-air talks! A humorist who really chokes With laughter glad o'er others’ jokes! An after-dinner speaker who Stops speaking when he’s really through ! A billionaire who honestly Laments his long-lost poverty, However much he talks about Its joys when he is dining out! A taximeter, low or high, That doesn’t always flatly lie! | A cubist chap who really knows | Exactly what his works disclose, And, when his daily stunt is through, Can tell you what he’s tried to do! A star upon the modern stage Whose acting’s ever been the rage, | Who, when she says, with deep-drawn sigh, | “Farewell!’’ sincerely means ‘‘Good- by!” My vaudeville! My vaudeville! What profits there would be Were you displayed upon one bill, Where multitudes from dale and hill Might daily flock to see! ! —John Kendric Bangs. One in a Million, Stranger—The whole town seems to be turning out to this funeral. The deceased must have been very popular. Native—Stranger, he was one man in a million. After he bought his car, he gave everybody a ride that he had prom- ised to. The Part That Flies “Pa, what's a theatrical angel?” “A man whose money has wings, my son.”” 0 eS “Tell everyone—during the coming year— Be SURE it’s WRIGLEY’S!” Unless they’re sure it’s WRIGLEY’S, they won’t get its delicious benefits. The clean, pure, healthful genuine is al- ways exactly like this: Millions of people this | \ / year will give constant, delicious aid to teeth, breath, appetite and di- gestion. But remember: Be SURE it’s WRIGLEY’S CHEW IT AFTER EVERY MEAL BUY IT BY THE BOX of twenty packages—for CAUTION! Dishonest persons are wrap- ping rank imitations that are not even real chewing gum so they look like the genuine WRIGLEY'S. These will be offered you principally by fakirs and candy depart- ments of some 5 and 10c It’s clean—pure—healthful—if it’s stores. Refuse them! Be SURE it's WRIGLEY'S WRIGLEY’S Greasy He has a greasy, oily way— Our saponaceous host; He rose and gave what I should call A buttered toast. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com