Judge — December 20, 1913 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘ AN ARTISTIC NOTION Fair shopper—I would like a box of cigars for a slender, blond gentleman. Christmas Day Etiquette NEVER criticise a gift, no matter how hideous or undesirable it may be. If it is breakable, let it fall. This will be attributed to your nervous joy at receiving it. If it is not breakable, arrange to have it mysteriously disappear. Its ab- ‘sence will then be accounted for by the belief that it was coveted by some convenient klepto- maniac who came to look at the gifts. In this way nobody's feelings will be outraged and the monstrosity done away with most effectively. The woman of real refinement and breeding will not look at the cost mark on a gift as soon as it is handed to her, but will wait until she can get in a corner by herself and figure out just how much it has been marked up. It is no longer considered good form for the recipient of a diamond to touch it with the tip of the tongue to ascertain whether 8 genu- ine or merely alum, for in seventy-five chances in a hundred it is likely to prove the latter, in which case the situation would be embarrassing for both parties. When you recall that Christmas is the great lying festival, you will feel at liberty to gi raptures over every gift received, to tell every. body that you are glad they came and are loth to see them go, to pat small fiends upon the head and tell them they are “‘perfect little an- gels," and to declare that you never enjoyed a dinner so much in your life, even though you are at that moment almost warped out of shape with stomach pains brought on by it. —Harrey Peake. Dinah—Yo' don’? Willic’s Favorite Christmas Present I LIKE the drums and horns and things Talways get on Christmas Day; I like the monkeys on the strings And all the games I get to play; I like the Noah’s arks and sets Of books my aunts and uncles leave; But, oh, the candy sister gets! That beats all else that we receive, I always like the Christmas tree, I like the gifts I get from pa, And there is always sure to be Some nice thing handed out by ma; But better than the toys and pets My cousins, aunts and uncles bring, 1 like the candy sister gets From all the fellows on her string. —S. E. Kiser, Horrors! No! “T wish that {chickens were built like centipedes!”” smacked the old gourmand, gnawing a drumstick. “Don’t you?”’ “Great Scott, no!’’ cried the young man, blushing. “I'm to marry one to-morrow."’ Egg View Notes A slick-looking person named Professor Snyder came to Egg View about a week ago. He said that he was one of them there tango-dance teachers and claimed that he found this place slow, but would leave it fast. He did, taking with him a lot of things belonging to other folks. Wes Weese and Ag, his wife, got back from Niagara Falls last night. Wes said they stood one day and watched them several hours. she did before. Hearing up to Pollywog that the Milky Way had germs in it, Ote Gimber will send off after a telescope to see for himself. He’s sorry, because Ag talks twice as loud as —Leslie Van Every. SOMETHING BURNING Dinah—Why don’ yo pick dat red-hot coal offen de floah ? Wan’ tuh barn de house down ? Joe—Ah don’ see no red-hot coal on de floah. You 's standin’ on it! comicbooks.com