Judge — December 6, 1913 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

red ond ing you ex bis had ore them aside for Al. I met him two weeks Christmas. ee yeat had the finest strokes of luck,” .. ‘Doctor says I must cut out oleae “co I won't have to sulfer the agony of bluffing on the cigars my wife and others hand out at Christmas. “So I was ina box of cigars I never would have had. That was the time I in- avgurated the postal greeting with him and he took it up the next year. The economy worked two ways: gave me something and let me start acheap and sensible scheme with at least one friend. “The same year my wife thought she would start the postal-card habit with a friend to whom she usually gave an ex- pensive present. She told me she would yenture the scheme on another friend, only this friend had given her a very ex- pensive cut-glass dish the year before, and she didn’t have the nerve. To pay the ‘cut-glass’ friend back in kind meant economy of the rigid sort, but she tackled the proposition, although she told me she would like to use the money for a piano throw. “What happened? She left the details of sending to me, and I got the friends mixed up. And it chanced that the ‘cut- glass’ friend sent her a post-card, which crossed in the mails, and the other friend, who was getting the wrong present, for- warded a splendid piano throw at such a time that we received it before she got the mis-sent present. And, talking the matter over, wife and she agreed that thereafter there should be an exchange of ‘cards. “Christmas now means very little out- lay of cash for me. We buy things for the children—that’s what wife is doing in the store now—I buy something for myself from her with my cigar certifi- cates, and she buys something for herself from me with her trading stamps. It’s a great system. And it can be brought about only by economy. My advice to you is that you start in as soon as you ean.’” We threw away the butts of our cigars and walked back to the store. Outside we met a man in the happy state of in- toxication. “If my wife doesn’t come out soon, I'll be drunk,’’ he said. We went inside. I pushed my way through the masses, so as to get to the pillar where my wife had placed me. I eventually saw her talking to a floor- walker. “T've lost my husband,’’ she told him. “Mourning counter two aisles to the left,” he replied suavely. And my wife was aétually on her way there when I reached her side. Women have no sense of humor. That’s what makes ’em funny. —Artemus Ward Utting. Father kills the turkey, And mother cooks it hot; Brother plays some ragtime For sister's turkey trot. BARTON & GUESTIER ~ BORDEAUX Y XQ FRANCE % The Celebrated Clarets and Sautemes MESSRS. BARTON & GUESTIER BORDEAUX, FRANCE May Be Obtained at the HOTEL BILTMORE NEW YORK (Opening December 31st, 1913) SANTIACO CEMS C. O. Du tircisted'ren Tutiueapertean teil them ros GENUINE DIAMONDS They are not imitations of diamonds but a genuine stone, cut and faceted by akilled diamond cutters exactly like a di filing, fire PLELESELSSESESSSESELESESES SESE SESE SESS: HAS STOOD THE TEST OF AGES AND IS STILL THE FINEST CORDIAL EXTANT At first-class Wine Merchants, Grocers, Hotels, Cafés. Bitjer & Co., 45 Broadway, ‘New York, N. Y., Sole Agents for United States. PESLSSESESESESES OS SOLES SOS ESS ESE SES In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. 3 PITTSIITIIIIIPIFSSTIIISIIITIFIIISTITITFITITISSITTITTITSSISSITITEIIG. comicbooks.com