Judge — November 29, 1913 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

il!, | Ih nT By the way; don’t miss that Christmas Nun- ber. T'wice the usual size at the usual price, 10 cents. Contemplate this list of some of the contributors and then send in your sub- scription—quick. James Oliver Curwood Terrell Love Holliday George Bingham J. A. Waldron Charles Campbell Jones Roscoe Gilmore Stott Ralph Bergenson Lewis Allen Charles A. Leedy Strickland Gillilan Louis Untermeyer George Fitch Cy Warman John Kendrick Bangs Walt Mason Kate Masterson W. J. Lampton Douglas Malloch Ted Robinson Edgar A. Guest Homer Croy Subscription $5.00 a year SPECIAL COUPON Enclosed find One Dollar. Send me JUDGE for Three Months. JUDGE, 225 Fitth Avenue, New York Passing the Mustard Her Eye Was upon Him—A well-known writer was present re. cently at a dress rehearsal of a comedy played by amateurs, rehearsal went well, but the hero, B——, seemed rather hard and cold. The novelist sat in a box next to a charming woman of mid. dle age. She said, at the end of the third act, ‘It goes beautifully, doesn’t it? : “‘Beautifully,’’ said the gentleman. ‘But B. doesn’t make love to that pretty girl in as ardent a manner as I could wish. His lovemaking, in fact, strikes me as very tame and spiritless.’”’ The woman frowned. ‘*‘He won’t put any more spirit in ig while I've got my eye on him, let me tell you,’’ she said. “]'p, Mrs. B——.'’—New York Mail. Average Economy—An average man, who is alternately a tight wad and a spendthrift, was traveling recently, when one of those sudden and unheralded spasms of economy seized him. He tightened his belt, about noon, and said, “I'll pass up lunch in the diner and save about ninety cents,” He sat there in profound consciousness of his virtue for half an hour, the pangs of hunger growing all the time. He bought a ten. cent cake of chocolate from the newsy, three apples for a dime, a five-cent package of chewing gum, a cornucopia of grapes for ten cents, and when the train reached a lunch counter, twenty miles fur. ther on, he got off and inhaled two sandwiches at ten cents each, drank a cup of coffee for ten cents, ate a piece of pie for ten, and that evening he paid fifty cents for a bottle of dyspepsia tablets for his ‘‘heartburn’’ that had somehow or other attacked him that day, That is about the way the average human economy works out— about fifty per cent. loser.—Strickland Gillilan, in Indianapolis Star. How Could He Know?—‘‘King Lear is a great character,” re. marked the friend. “‘Yes,’’ answered the actor; ‘‘I suppose you remember my per- formance last season?”’ “‘No; 1 must confess I have never seen you in the part.” “Indeed !’’ was the rejoinder, in a tone of gentle surprise. “Then how on earth did you know it was a great character?”— Liverpool Mercury. Hogwallow News The depity constable was called to Bounding Billows Saturday morning to investigate a hen-house robbery. He found the thief’s tracks leading from the building down across a field, and he believes the thief went in that direction. Poke Eazley went over to Bounding Billows Tuesday and brought back a window for his house. The weather was so hot he kept it raised all the way home. Miss Hostetter Hocks rode her mule to preaching last Sunday at Hog Ford, and when she went to feed him at dinner-time, for polite- ness’ sake, she went around and asked all the other mules to eat with hers, Dock Hocks wore his earmuffs to an ice-cream supper near Rye Straw Saturday night. The old miser on Musket Ridge, who has been in the habit of burying his money, planted his Irish potatoes so deep none of them could come up. The conductor on the train that runs into Tickville drove into that city yesterday in a buggy, with the information that the train would be in in a few hours. The depity constable went to church Sunday to show his new pistol. The Hogwallow postmaster has a post-office box and a good stable for rent, together or separately. A second cousin of Columbus Allsop has returned from the Spanish-American War. The reason he is so far behind is that the other soldiers fought a whole lot faster than he did. The mail carrier has notified the public that if there ig anybody along the route that wants to talk with him, they must move up closer to the road. The Wild Onion school teacher is in receipt of a new globe map of the world for his pupils. He finds the world has not changed much in size and appearance. . After having heard a powerful sermon on baptism at the Hog Ford church last Sunday, Jefferson Potlocks dived headlong into Gander Creek and came up on the other side. An actor appeared at the Tickville opera house one night last week wearing a double watch chain, with a timepiece in each vest poeket. This is what is called ‘‘doubling in brass.’’—George Bing Tee EE 1@ aa L.-J In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. Cita i ham, in The Hogwallow Kentuckian. comicbooks.com